Why Men Leave

iVillagers chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, author of Why Men Leave

Cmrebecca: Welcome to our chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, author of Why Men Leave. She will discuss how you can strengthen your relationship by understanding what is inside of him - not you - that causes him to back away. Up first is jrano0713.
jrano0713: How can you understand when he gives you the silent treatment when he is mad?
BrendaShoshanna: When a man gives the silent treatment, he is manipulating you and withholding his love and communication. You cannot understand what is truly going on inside him unless he is willing to tell you, so don't try to guess. Instead, put your effort into letting him know how important it is for him to actually use words and tell you what he feels. I want to emphasize that guessing at what anybody is feeling is a mistake. That is called projecting, projecting our own fantasies and fears upon them. It is always best to talk things out. Let him know that it is safe for him to express his feelings, and that he also must tolerate some anger on your part, if that is what happens. It will be far worse in the end if he doesn't communicate at all.
jrano0713: Tried that already. He says he doesn't want to say anything to make me mad.
BrendaShoshanna: Anger doesn't mean a relationship will end. But no communication often leads there.
jrano0713: Thank you I will try that.

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