Cmtdarden: Up next is akgumby.
Akgumby: My man shows up, takes me out, and we have a great time. Then he gets drunk and tells me how much he loves me - and then I don't see him again for two or three weeks. What gives? This has been going on for seven years.
BrendaShoshanna: When a man drinks, you cannot trust what he says to you. He may have feelings in the moment, but they are not reliable. It is better to be with an individual who is stable, sober and aware of what he is saying and feeling - and can back it up.
Rblu: A counselor once told me that actions speak the truth, not the words.
Cmtdarden: Up next is reey.
reey: How do I deal with his fear that I will leave one day like his ex did? Thanks.
BrendaShoshanna: Thanks, Reey. Men often fear a repeat of the pain they've experienced in other relationships. It may take him time to trust again.
Reey: What can I do to help him?
BrendaShoshanna: Keep him clear about the ways that the two of you are different. Have him voice his feelings when they arise, and reassure him that you are not her.
Reey: Thank you.
BrendaShoshanna: You're welcome.
Cmtdarden: Up next is lukeone.
Lukeone: I have a problem. After dating a new woman for just a short time, I feel suffocated and leave quickly. I'm sure I hurt their feelings. But I can't help it. What should I do?
BrendaShoshanna: Some men fear commitment greatly, fearing that it will bring the worst to them, problems they can't get out of. In your case, I would let the woman know that I needed space. Go slow. Take your time in getting to know each other. Be with a woman who is independent, and doesn't cling.
lukeone: I find that most women like to cling.
BrendaShoshanna: Let the woman know in advance about your needs and patterns. If you are honest you'll find the right one.