Chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Cmrebecca:Welcome to our chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, author of Why Men Leave, to discuss how you can strengthen your relationship by understanding what is inside of him, not you, that causes him to back away. Do men really leave for another woman, or are there usually underlying conditions at home that make them go to other women, as a crutch or something?
BrendaShoshanna: No man leaves because of another woman. As you said, there have to be deep problems at home or in his other relationship first. If his needs are not being met consistently, he'll often look somewhere else.
Tiare17: I've had an extremely hard time getting my husband to try and satisfy me sexually. He won't even try.
BrendaShoshanna: Many men act out their feelings of anger through their sexuality. If your husband is not available to work this out with you, it's important to look at other aspects of your relationship and find out why he's withholding, what's upsetting him.
Ellaskan: Is "It's not you, it's me" typically just a line, or can it really be him?
BrendaShoshanna: Some men blame women for what's going wrong. Others blame themselves. If he's telling you it's him, not you, that's an opening for you to find out what it is that's going on with him. Take it as a chance to find out more.
Internos: If you see your husband hide something from you (a card), and he refuses to show you, is it reasonable to be suspicious?
BrendaShoshanna: Yes, of course. If there's something he's hiding -- especially a card -- you would naturally wonder what's going on. It's important both to have honesty and openness between two people and to respect the other's privacy and boundaries. Let him know this upsets you and makes you insecure, and see what he says.

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