Chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Cherokeeonly: I was in a relationship with a man who called me his soul mate for three years. He lives on a reservation and has never left his reservation except to be with me. This was considered a big deal. Our plans were for him to leave the reservation in Canada and move to the States. I got pregnant and he was thrilled at first. But then when I reached my sixth month of pregnancy I stopped hearing from him.
BrendaShoshanna: Some men blame women because they cannot bear to take responsibility for who and what they are. If a man cannot do that, there is little chance the relationship will work.
Cherokeeonly: He finally came around after the baby was born. He broke down and cried and told me he was scared to be a father. He got scared when I told him I was pregnant (his first). But he had decided that he would stay on his reservation and visit the baby whenever he can, whenever he can afford to come to the States. But yet he still tries to flirt with me as if he is trying to recapture what we used to have. I am hurt that he is leaving me to raise his child alone. He says his family needs him. He goes months sometimes without calling. He tells me he often can't sleep because he feels guilty about the baby and me.
It is indeed painful and disheartening to be abandoned by the father of your child. Understand that some men cannot take the pressure the responsibility a child carries with it. Others even feel jealous of the relationship between the mother and child. For others still, they cannot relate to a woman as a love object after she becomes a mother. These men have not grown fully. His flirtatious behavior with you is childish and means nothing. This is not the kind of man you need to be a husband to you and a real father to your child. Of course he feels guilty, but sadly enough he doesn't seem to know how to handle all the conflict he feels.

Like this? Want more?
Connect with Us
Follow Our Pins

Yummy recipes, DIY projects, home decor, fashion and more curated by iVillage staffers.

Follow Our Tweets

The very dirty truth about fashion internships... DUN DUN @srslytheshow

On Instagram

Behind-the-scenes pics from iVillage.

Best of the Web