Chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

namaste123: I am REALLY struggling with my husband's addiction to porn chat. He loves talking to women, and he masquerades as a woman and trades nude pictures with them. Of course, he trades ones he has received from others. He spends time every day doing this -- at times for hours -- even when I am home. Another part is the fact that our sex life is virtually nil because he says he is experiencing impotence. He says the Net allows hit to play, but not perform. All this may be true, and I've tried to be understanding, but I can no longer deal with his new found pastime. I fought with him again yesterday, so we wiped out the site where he was chatting. He always says that he does not discuss sex, only trades nude pics! Anyway, today I checked the history on the computer and found he has just substituted different porn sites. Since he is not computer-savvy he does not know that I can see the history. I am at a loss how to proceed. I feel hurt, lonely and betrayed.
If your husband is involved in sexual activity which excludes you, or which includes others and you feel left out, betrayed, hurt, etc., you must straighten out your fundamental agreements in the relationship. The two of you must decide what kind of sexual behavior is comfortable and acceptable for both of you. If what he is doing is demeaning to you, and he will not, or cannot, stop it, either you can seek professional guidance together or you must leave the situation for your own emotional health.

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