Chat with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Starrbrite1: My guy says he doesn't want a commitment but he's been around for eight months and gets very jealous. How long should I wait?
BrendaShoshanna: Some men can become very attached and bonded, and just want to go on like that forever. Obviously he cares for you, and wants you to act committed to him. He also must carry his share of the weight here. Decide a time that seems fair to you -- say, nine months or a year -- and if he can't make some kind of commitment by then, realize he has a problem. It won't get solved just with the passage of time. You must let him know what you need and expect, and if he can't step to the plate it's better to move on.
Starrbrite1: Thank you. I think I already knew the answer. I will give it a year ... it will be hard because I love him but have not told him. Should I tell?
BrendaShoshanna: Dear Starrbrite, let him know he means a lot to you and that you're hoping for more.
iodot: My husband screams and curses me (and anyone he's mad at), blocks my exit when I try to leave, grabs me (bruising me) and then blames me for it by saying that he's read that it always takes two people, and that we are having a 'relationship dance.' But when I 'dance away' from the relationship, he grabs me and puts a gun to my head. I get away, and the sheriffs laugh. He's found me before and beaten the heck out of me. He's buddies with the Sheriffs. Do YOU really think that 'it takes two' and that I share the blame for what he does to me?

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