Chat with John Gottman

Karicarey: We have gone to marriage therapy and I have confronted him.

John_Gottman: Kari, how did he respond?

Karicarey: He told me it was something I had to learn to deal with.

John_Gottman: Kari, when you confront somebody in therapy and they don't budge an inch, the marriage is in serious crisis and you should think about why you are staying with him.

anatoledo: I have a selfish husband (name one that isn't). He seldom helps with my 10-month-old. I feel like a single mom. I just feel I'm better off alone. How do I know I'm not?

John_Gottman: Ana, the assumption that he is selfish is very common in marriages after a long time of not getting your requests met, and it's a very dangerous way of thinking for a relationship. You need to talk to him about exactly what you need -- if he's not going to be a partner or an involved father, then the marriage is in serious trouble.

anatoledo: He has not changed a diaper in the ten months of my child's life.

John_Gottman: How are the other parts of your relationship, Ana, is he an involved husband?

anatoledo: He's not very interested in the same things I am. I had an intellectual boyfriend before who mistreated me. Now, I have a non-intellectual who does the same, but in a different way. Could it be that I'm an overprotective first-time mom?

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