Chit Chat: Becoming a Better Conversationalist
I can talk my boyfriend's, my mom's and my best friend's ears off, but with everyone else in the world I find it easier just to be quiet. In general, I find conversation completely exhausting. If I'm not sure someone is interested in me, if I don't find the topic interesting or if I fear I will say something stupid, I choose to end the conversation. I'd like to learn to be more comfortable in social situations. Any suggestions?
--Jdnp
Dear Jdnp:
Believe it or not, I'm actually a very introverted person myself. But I've learned that conversation skills are really essential to successful living. This doesn't necessarily come naturally, though it does get easier with practice.
The first step is to change your perception that others aren't interesting. Everyone has a story. What brings that story out is genuine interest on the part of the person asking questions. Interest cannot be faked. You need to make up your mind that you want to be interested -- then you will be.
Remember that our only true gifts are our time and attention. Whenever we give someone our attention, they seem to open up and blossom like flowers. And when that happens, our own self-confidence skyrockets and we create a winning cycle.
If you're still nervous about jumping onto the conversation bandwagon, I highly recommend that you try meditation or visualization. For years, athletes have used those skills to mentally experience their challenges. I do it all the time in my own work, since I do so much public speaking. There are many good books and tapes available on both topics. As for conversation skills, you might want to have a look at my book, The First Five Minutes: How To Make A Great First Impression In Any Business Situation.
However you decide to overcome your social discomfort, remember this: What the mind can conceive, the person can achieve. You can become a better conversationalist.
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