Competing with His Ex

"I have been dating someone for about three months now. When we first started dating, he was very up-front and honest about a past relationship. He was engaged, but the girl up and left him with very little notice, leaving him heartbroken. After we had been dating for a week, I went on a two-week vacation leaving him with one question, ''Am I really what you want, and are you seriously ready to start another relationship?'' After I returned, our relationship was great. He treated me like gold and I couldn't possibly have asked for anything more.

But suddenly she called and wanted to see him. She visited, they had sex, and he turned into this confused mess. He says he has feelings for both of us, but he still wants to be with me. I took him back. Things continued like this until I couldn't take it anymore, so I broke up with him. He then tells me that they have been talking and he wants to try and get back with her -- but then comes back to me again and again. I really care about him, but I can't wait forever and this is weighing heavily on my heart. Should I stick it out and be the patient, caring and understanding woman I have been -- or should I tell him to take a hike?" --iVillager kokopellichich


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear kokopellichich:

This guy may be available by the letter of the law, but emotionally, his heart has no vacancies. Also, he's got to figure out for himself that his ex is a "nasty girl" -- with no prodding from you.

Should you stick it out or tell him to take a hike? I suggest door number three. Confide that you really like him and think the two of you might have had a shot were it not for poor timing. It's time for you to get on with your life; you can't sit around waiting for him to get over her. Leave the door open with the proviso that if he gets true closure on his ex-fiancee, he should give you a call. You might or might not be available. It's all in the timing.

Talk about dating on the Ask the Dating Doyenne message board.

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