Controlling Early Ejaculation
Dear Dr. Patti: I ejaculate very early. Can you suggest a method that can help me prolong and enjoy sex? --D
Question:This is a very common concern among men and their partners. Nearly one in three men experiences early ejaculation. In fact, it is reported as the number one concern that drives men or couples to consult sex therapists. Being able to control your ejaculatory response is essential to having good sex -- both for your pleasure and the pleasure of your partner. I suggest that you do a few things to help fix the situation. Try to commit yourself for the next month to following these four steps:
Step one: Control your thoughts. Tell yourself that you are going to master this and take charge of your sexuality. Think of it as an athletic event or a practice you can master. This will require dedication and focus.
Step two: Learn to read your body's signals. Pay attention to your physical sensations -- the pleasure your body gives you. When you feel certain sensations in your genital area, when your breath speeds up or when your body heat rises, all of these are signs that something is happening in your sexual response cycle.
Step three: Notice that just before you ejaculate, there is a point -- known as ejaculatory inevitability (or EI) -- when you know you are going to release. At that point, there's no going back -- it's the point of no return. Just before that point is another state of feelings, sensations and signals. It's your job to notice those feelings before you get to EI. It's like you're driving down the road and you begin to notice road signs along the way. At first it may be easier for you to observe your body's signals as you "drive" in reverse (thinking backward from orgasm). Eventually, you will be able to do this going forward -- after you start the engine, so to speak. Once you reach your destination (the orgasm/ejaculation), you will have noticed the signals that inform you of where you are on your sexual response journey.
Step four: Get helpful teaching tools. The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld provides exercises and information on how to overcome early ejaculation. The best known self-help videotapes are You Can Last Longer (www.www.intimacyinstitute.com) and The Lover's Guide to Ejaculatory Control from Pacific Media (800-272-7367; also available on my site). Learn all you can, then practice, and you'll get the results you're looking for.
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