Coping with His (Size) Insecurities
Dear Dr. Patti:
I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we are thinking about marriage. He is wonderful in our daily lives and in bed. But when we are intimate, he constantly thinks about and reminds me of his penis size. He says he is very small, and though I agree, my needs are being met between the sheets. At first I was oblivious to his size in relationship to other men, but because he has made it such an issue, his size has come to matter. I love him, but he's giving me a complex. Help!
K
Dear K:
Believe it or not, this is the most common question that I get asked by men online. Here are the facts: The average penis is 6.3 inches in length and 4.85 inches in circumference. Get out the measuring stick and get that out of the way. Then your real work begins. Most men feel a sense of inadequacy if their member stands too short when erect. It's your task to begin to quell his anxieties about not being enough for your needs, and it's his job to accept himself just the way he is. I suggest that you sit him down one night over a lovely meal and tell him the facts (or read him the riot act), and share with him that this aspect of your relationship is getting out of your psychological comfort zone.
Most women whom I have treated admit that it's not the length that matters as much as two things: a good fit, as in that feeling of him inside of you, and his skills as a lover in other ways. Women need direct and indirect clitoral stimulation to be orgasmic. According to some research, 25 percent of women can't achieve climax with just penis-in-vagina sex. So tell your guy that the penile stimulation part of your sexual experience is only a fraction of the action.
If his lack of sexual confidence continues to block his and your ability to enjoy sexual time together, then it may be time for him to seek professional counseling. Once he can confront the truth about his size, learn to love what he can do for you and come to accept what he has, the two of you can soar.
