Could sex have saved our relationship?

I was dating this guy for a very short time. He was very attentive in the beginning. He was also pressuring me for sex, but was understanding when I told him to take it slow. Our last date was to a hockey game. Afterwards, we shared a very nice kiss. I could tell he was excited, but he didn't push it -- he stopped and politely said goodnight. But now I haven't heard from him in three weeks. I keep thinking I should have slept with him. Did I do something wrong? Help, I can't stop thinking about him! --Sasha28


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Sasha:

You didn't do anything wrong. Rather, you did something very right by not sleeping with someone you'd only known a few days, especially when your gut was warning you to take it slow. Imagine how much worse you'd feel now if you'd had sex, then he pulled a disappearing act. Lovemaking is a nakedly revealing act (and not just because you're in your birthday suits) -- the sense of rejection and pain you'd feel would be immense.

Why hasn't he called? It could be one of a multitude of reasons: he went back with an ex-girlfriend, he has a pressing personal problem that's taking his attention, he went out of town, he didn't like your new lipstick, he thinks you don't really like him, Mercury hasn't aligned with Mars, and on and on. The point is that he hasn't called because he hasn't called, and it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. All you can do is be yourself, and one day -- hopefully soon -- you will meet the right man.

How can you stop thinking about him? By going on with your life: do fun things with friends, get immersed in work and hobbies, make an effort to meet new men, tell yourself "Stop" every time thoughts of him invade your mind. Employ these strategies to get him out of your head, and soon he truly will be just a memory.

For more words of wisdom from the Dating Doyenne, head to the Dating Doyenne archives, or post your question to her message board.

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