You know that stare? That annoyed stare that passersby, strangers and even family members give to let you know (what you already know) that you've completely lost control of your child? All moms know it. When my son was little he hated stores, any stores—Starbucks, Rite Aid, even my beloved Target. Maybe it was something about the shared air or the music that piped in from the ceiling, but he sensed the difference in atmosphere the second we entered. He screamed. He wailed. Sometimes fellow shoppers (likely other mothers) would help me out, give me the "go ahead" to cut them in line, or even unload my purchases onto the belt to speed me through. Most people just stared though, with that judgmental air of superiority. Their eyes were saying, "Tsk, tsk, you are a sucky parent! I could handle this sooo much better than you." Some pairs of eyes simply stated "Shut that kid up!" What was I supposed to do? Stop getting groceries or, even more unthinkably, give up my non-fat, no-foam grande latte?
I remember being mortified after the first couple of episodes. I tried so hard to lull him, appease him, and ultimately, I ended up only frequenting places with drive-through windows. Unfortunately, after the bank, the pharmacy and fast-food chains, there was little left to do. So, rather than become a money-toting, drugged out, McDonald's connoisseur, I learned to ignore the stares. I did what I needed to do quickly and with as little eye-contact as possible. Every once in a while, a fellow patron's sneer turned into an audible comment. Some crotchety old man or some nasty lady would lash out, "Can you control your child?!" No, I cannot. Exactly how would you suggest that I put this infant in his place? Should I threaten to withhold his next bottle or maybe take away his blanky? Why don't you just say it? You want me to leave.
I sensed that other people in the store were secretly pleased that somebody had spoken up. People have so little compassion for crying children in public places. I mean, nonsmokers put up with smoke in their faces at restaurants and on airplanes for years, yet a crying baby is just too unbearable to take. What's worse is that people think it's their right to tell you how to parent and when you've worn out your welcome.
This is exactly what happened recently on a Southwest Airlines flight from Amarillo, TX to San Jose, CA. A 2-year-old and his mother were kicked off a plane because the child wouldn't stop screaming. The passengers were annoyed and the flight attendants were bothered. The crew made an executive call to strand the family at the airport. Then 14,000 support letters and emails started pouring in. However, they weren't in support of the mother—they were in support of the airline. People backed the airline's decision to remove those passengers, because nobody should be asked to listen to a crying baby for two hours, right? Seriously, what could be worse? Usually flights are stopped and folks hauled off only when someone is drunk and unruly, or they're suspected of terrorism. (Oh, and there was that time a breastfeeding mother was kicked off a plane.) This was not a situation where the baby was a suspected terrorist. He didn't broadcast a plot to hijack the plane. He simply screamed, "Go! Plane! Go!" and "I want Daddy!" What does that say about our society?
How sympathetic we are. Look, the last thing I want to hear is a baby crying for two hours, especially when it's someone else's, but as a mom and a human being, I understand that it happens. Come to think of it, who's to say that the crying would have continued for the entire flight? He was kicked off on mere speculation. One of the moms wrote on the iVillage message board that she has a child who has autism, Tourette's and seizures; I guess she should be expected not to travel.
By the way, Southwest Airlines eventually did apologize, offering the mom a refund and a $300 travel voucher. Well, that's more than I can say for that crotchety old man at the store.
