11.Always cry after sex.
12.Criticize his mother.
13.Do you own a pair of baggy maroon sweatpants? Wear them.
14.Is he feeling a tad overwhelmed by the serious turn your affair is taking? Surprise him with loads of expensive gifts for no reason.
15.Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag.
16.Giggle at his receding hairline.
17.Tell him oral sex makes you gag. Except when he does it.
18.Don't let him miss you (i.e., spend every blessed moment with/near/on/under/over him ‑- particularly those blessed moments when you feel bloated and paranoid).
19.Never have your wallet with you.
20.Let him know that every day is Judgment Day as far as you and he are concerned and that you'd rather be right than happy.
From the book Mr. Right, Right Now!
. Copyright © 2004 E. Jean Carroll. Reprinted with permission from Harper Collins Publishers, New York, NY.