Crying after Sex

I just started having sex for the first time last month. My boyfriend is very loving and patient with me. I enjoy our new sex life. However, last night, after climaxing, I just started crying and wanting my boyfriend to hold me. He wasn't upset with me; he held me and told me to let it out. There is nothing bothering me that I can think of. I really was having a good time last night until that happened. I've had orgasms before and never felt like crying. Does this happen to anyone else, or is something wrong with me? --K


Dear K:

I love the tenderness that your story conveys. You are so fortunate to have a loving boyfriend to support you in your sexual journey. When I teach about orgasm, I like to use metaphors. When I speak to men I cite machines and outer space (for example, launching a missile) to talk about what happens during sex. For women, the sexual response cycle is more like a boat ride down a changing river, slow then fast, with stops along the way and either a smooth glide onto the shore at the end or a plunge down a waterfall. These images show us that the sexual release is often quite dramatic. For you, it seems that sex (as well as your loving boyfriend) evokes a tender and deeply emotional release at your climax. This is perfectly fine (in fact, it's wonderful), so don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. I always tell clients that this is a holy moment and a lovely way to let go in any way that feels comfortable to you, including tears. If you continue to feel emotional after sex, cherish that as a special time. Think of it as your body's time to say, ''Oh, god'' and for you to say thanks to your wonderful partner for provoking such an intense response in you.

The road to orgasm is different for everyone and different each time. Sexual connection with a partner is primarily energetic. The body builds and exchanges energy, thoughts, emotions and juices, culminating in the traditional interpretation of orgasm as the discharging of that built-up of blood that has become engorged in the erectile tissue, as well as the release of energy, tension and sometimes profound feelings. To learn more about the female body and its sexual capabilities, I suggest you read a book called Woman: An Intimate Geography, a fascinating report on the science of sex and the female body.

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