Out of Order: Your Guy's Performance Problems

How to react in a way that will help resolve the issues

He finishes too quickly.

The problem:

PE (premature ejaculation) is when a man orgasms too fast for his, or his partner's, satisfaction. This can mean anything from five thrusts to 15 minutes of thrusting, depending on the people involved. Around 30% of men experience PE at some point in their lives with many men ejaculating within two minutes of penetration. Causes include: lessons learned from early masturbation (having to get it over with quickly before being discovered), performance anxiety, not enough regular sex and youth (the younger he is, the more likely it is to happen). Again, it's a touchy subject -- but (bless him) he also feels he's letting you down by not lasting long enough for you to orgasm. (The fact that around 80% of women get their orgasms via his tongue or fingers  still hasn't quite sunk in for most men.) That's why you need to make it abundantly clear that you're content and happy; once he knows that, he'll worry less because it takes the pressure off.

Action plan:
  • A simple solution is for you to take charge during penetration (via a woman on top position). That way you can control his level of arousal by (literally) keeping an eye on him. If he does orgasm, simply wait for him to pass through the resolution phase and get a second erection. Plus, the more often he has sex, the longer he'll last.
  • The squeeze technique is the old, traditional method of dealing with PE. When he's highly aroused, you firmly squeeze the head of the penis for 15-20 seconds, your thumb on the frenulum (the stringy piece of skin where the head connects to the shaft), first and second fingers on the top of the head. This often delays orgasm.
  • The newer -- and I think more effective - method is the stop-start technique. Step one: He masturbates himself to figure out how he feels immediately before orgasm, then stopping stimulation before the orgasm happens. He should do this four times - bring himself to the brink, then stop - before finally allowing himself to orgasm. Continue this “training” for several weeks until he essentially determines his “point of no return.” Step two: This time you masturbate him, and he tells you when to start and stop. Step three: You repeat the initial exercise but this time he's inside you. Again, allow him to get excited, then stop, then start again. After three or four times of peaking, he's allowed to orgasm. The secret to getting the “stop-start” right is to focus on pleasure and sensation, rather than focusing on him trying to stop himself from ejaculating.

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