Dancing with Kate? Not So Great

Will the mom of eight make it past the premiere of Dancing with the Stars?

As Tom Bergeron reminded us during the season 10 premiere, the 11 new contestants on ABC's Dancing with the Stars are "our most talked-about cast ever." Producers cannily saved the most talked about -- Kate Gosselin and Pamela Anderson -- for last. While the two polar-opposite moms waited their turns, cameras caught them standing next to each other. Gosselin wore a frozen smile and a pink, flowing princess gown, while Anderson's Baywatch bod was squeezed into a teeny, hot-pink number. This series is nothing if not a fascinating melting pot!

Gosselin's intro clip immediately showed how woefully inexperienced she was, but included a determined tribute: "All the moms out there," she said, "this one's for you." Sadly, when she and Tony Dovolani waltzed to Billy Joel's "Always a Woman," she appeared stiff and frightened. "It looked like Tony was pushing a shopping cart around the floor," clowned judge Bruno Tonioli. "You have to exude a persona."

Anderson claimed to be a novice, too -- hoping only that her beloved aunt could see her perform at least one dance. But when she and Damian Whitewood cha-cha-cha'd to "Gimme All Your Lovin'," the 42-year-old exuded pure confidence. She lustily ripped open Whitewood's shirt, swung her considerable hair and jiggled her considerable assets. "I don’t know why but I can only think of sex, sex and more sex," said Bruno, stating the obvious.

"I gotta say that of all the contestants, I’ve been waiting the most to see you," added fellow judge Carrie Ann Inaba to Anderson. "And you did not disappoint. You were fully engaged. That was a little...much." The fun continued backstage when new cohost Brooke Burke (Samantha Harris' replacement) sidled up to Anderson, enjoying herself to the point of seeming tipsy. Asked why she joined DWTS, Anderson wobbled giddily. "It’s just more fun to add to the list," she chirped, and then gestured like checking a box. "Check!" To be sure, a good reality show is always better with a good-time girl in the mix.... Check!

Other highlights included Shannen Doherty and Mark Ballas attempting the Viennese waltz -- but as Bruno said, "You were swinging your arms around like a primate." Defiantly, the 90210 alum replied, "Did you see my dad's face? That's all that mattered to me." Both Doherty and her father, who recently suffered from a stroke, became emotional.

"Unlike The Bachelor, this is more of a competition," said Jake Pavelka before taking the floor, as fiancée Vienna beamed from the audience. Pavelka waltzed with Chelsie Hightower to -- wink, wink -- "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal (hey, at least it wasn't "On the Wings of Love"!). The judges liked the buff pilot's dancing overall, but Bruno had quibbles. "This is the waltz," he said. "Nice and romantic. Don’t bash her about all the time. What you gonna do with the rhumba? Kill her?"

Olympic gold medalist Evan Lycacek danced  gracefully. "I’ve always been criticized for being too technical of a skater," he said. "People have said that I have no dance ability whatsoever. And this is my opportunity to prove them wrong. I hope." But this men's figure-skating champ lost points for lack of chemistry with partner Anna Trebunskaya (who actually seemed to dislike him). 

Meanwhile, 80-year-old astronaut Buzz Aldrin commented: "When I first met [dance partner] Ashley, I thought, 'This is a really cute babe.'" The audience laughed amiably (of course, men his age rarely realize such remarks sound sexist) and gave him a standing ovation after his sub-par performance. The judges were more frank: "It looked like you still had your moon boots on," said Bruno. But Inaba salvaged the moment by pointing out, "What’s great about this show is that it inspires people to get out and try things they might be afraid of," she said. "You inspired a ton of people tonight."

PHOTOS: The Dancing with the Stars Cast Gets Ready to Rumba!

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