TV Recap: Dancing With The Stars, The Results

Well crap. Of course Marie Osmond was going to make it to the finals. It's all those Osmonds, I'm telling you. I knew when she was the first contestant announced safe that either Jennie Garth or Helio Castroneves were going home. Sure enough, Melanie Brown was announced safe next leaving...Jennie and Helio. Poor Jennie. Gone is the real girl whom everyone in the crowd could relate to. I don't think she would have won, but I definitely think she deserved a real shot.

And of course we don't know if Helio really joined Jennie in the bottom two or if ABC simply rigged it that way to make us all sweat. As the last man standing, Helio certainly earned his spot in the finals. And so did Mel. Marie even said herself that if she makes it to the finals, she owes it all to the fans. This is a dancing competition, not a popularity contest. Oh wait. It's reality television.

As much as I don’t want to, I actually really kinda like Avril Lavigne. She sang “Hot” and “Complicated.” I was hoping she’d sing one of her new, slower songs, but the latter was the one that made her big, I get it. Joining Avril as special eye candy were Sabrina Bryan and boyfriend Mark Ballas, who danced their butts off (literally, I could see Sabrina’s panties!). It was the best performance they did all season. As far as Miss Canadia is concerned, I liked the hot pink microphone and guitar (and so did my five-year-old nephew, he’s big into color right now, and the guitar, and thought it was neat that all her stuff was such a bright color). The pink in her hair was subtle and she looked very feminine, a nice change from the grungy, poser wanna-be rock star look she used to sport. Although I can’t be completely sure of the details as I was blinded by that ginormous rock on her hand.

In the Stars of Dance portion of the show, Michael Flatley, a.k.a. Lord of the Dance a.k.a. Billion Dollar Dancer, proved all his nicknames and then some when he did a new little dance number. Irish dancing is absolutely mind-boggling. The dancers’ lines were impeccable, their feet never missed a beat, it was enchanting. I could have done without the sailor outfits, but what more can you expect from a man who makes his living prancing around in tap shoes? Okay, so it’s not exactly prancing. I’ve tried Irish dancing and it ain’t easy. The steps are very precise and very tricky. Attempting such an intricate style of dance is not for the faint of heart.

Some former stars joined Kenny Mayne in dance rehab to rehash all the issues that keep them attached to their runs on the show. Kenny is funny. Lisa Rinna really does need to lay off the self-tanner.

From what I hear, this is the most dramatic season yet. The media has been all over it, what with all the fainting, surprises and overall losses (pounds, parents, participants). No one knows who will pull it out next week. I don’t even think it matters how the stars dance at this point, the viewers have their favorites already picked out. So all we can do now is sit back and watch. And I suppose if you care to humor yourself, you can vote.

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