Date Like a Man

Myreah Moore, author of Date Like A Man, brings her dating expertise to iVillage in our Find a Man in 30 Days Love Lesson. Here are some highlights from her live Q&A.

Myreah_Moore: Hi, ladies! I am so happy to be here. This is my first time in a real chat room, so whoever has the chips and dip, let's dish. Thank you to iVillage for letting me be here to tell you about my book Date Like a Man. The book is based on theories that I've learned from the master daters -- men. What's involved here is men's dating concept. We encourage women to shift their thinking in order to start thinking like men. The number one concept is that men date to have fun, and women date to find husbands. We want to shift that way of thinking so we can relax and have fun.

How to Meet Men
Rebekah64: How do we go about meeting men?
Myreah_Moore: First of all, Rebekah, I encourage women to do inner work, to be very clear about your needs and wants. Your wants are like wish lists (6'2", Tom Cruise-lookalike, millionaire). Your non-negotiable needs are for generosity, selflessness and a good provider. Once you are clear about that you'll be surprised how all types of men will be showing up. Finding a man is no different than finding an apartment: When you are clear about what you want, you know it coming or going.

Anyoneevertellyou: I believe in doing the inner work, but that will take forever. What do I do on the way? How do I meet a man with dating potential? Step by step, please.
Myreah_Moore: First of all, did anyone ever tell you that the way to a man's heart is through compliments, smiles and flirtation? You'd be surprised! Go to happy hour with one other girlfriend. You work one side of the room while she works the other, and meet back at 11. Wear a nice skirt and heels, and look happy, healthy and full of energy -- you will attract men. If a man comes up and talks to you, time it. If it's more than 10 minutes and he doesn't offer you a drink, look him in the eye and tell him, "Look sweetheart, if you're not going to buy me a drink, someone else on the other side of the room will." Be sweet! Don't be afraid to say hi, and get used to talking to men all the time. Men will start talking to you -- if you just have a conversation with them, then it makes you approachable. Don't try to be perfect.

Next: Finding Your Equal and The Right Rules

Finding Your Equal
Rebekah64: I love my job as a teacher and I love where I live. I'm looking for fun and companionship, not a provider. I have tried dating services and have never said "no" to anyone who's asked me out. Do I have to go to places and do things I don't like (sporting events, computer stores) to meet men? I'm 35 years old -- going to a bar isn't my style. How do I go about finding someone who is my equal?
Myreah_Moore: How about a coffee shop bookstore? Lots of guys hang out there. You do have to find some interests that a real man would have. I met a guy once who had an orchid hothouse. He was a real man, but that [orchid hothouse] was a part of him, too. Find something about you that a guy would be interested in. I think something like volunteering is a great way to find a nice, evolved guy. Not only is he a real man, he's socially conscious. Check out the Boys Club of America or become a den mother to Cub Scouts. Boys Clubs of America and Big Brothers -- guys volunteer there as mentors.

kimmy_61: What about the Internet?
Myreah_Moore: I think the Internet is a great way to meet nice guys. So that you'll be in tune with the energy of men, remember that we're dating to find friends and have fun. The Net is a wonderful place to do that. Technology conventions are overrun with men, and not all of them are nerds. I wish that in 1976 I'd met Bill Gates!

Trishadexter: I have done the inner work, I'm smart, very educated, active, attractive, have a lot of friends and have even tried the cyber thing. But I think men are intimidated by me. How can I be myself without pretending to be less than I am?
Myreah_Moore: NEVER be less than you are. You're probably not playing in your league. Try looking in a place where men won't be intimidated by you. This might mean traveling or seeking older men (you'd be surprised these days -- you might even seek younger men!). Authentic power really comes from loving yourself, so don't worry about conceit. Conceited people don't really love themselves. Go for folks who are much more in touch with their spiritual side.

Bek97: I feel that I am doing the right things and am not successful. Do you feel that men are honest?
Myreah_Moore: I do believe a man is very honest during the first three dates, but the downfall is that women will not listen. We get so enamored of a man that we fall in love with his potential. We think, "I can change him." You can never change a man!

Next: The Right Rules

The Right Rules
Anyoneevertellyou: Myreah, have you read The Rules?
Myreah_Moore: Yes I have, and I like The Rules because it teaches women to treasure themselves. I don't like the way they teach manipulation. If you need to manipulate, he doesn't need you. Men respect honesty and candor, not games.

cuddle_me: I'm wondering why you tell women not to make moves.
Myreah_Moore: For you single gals: Never, never, never ask a man out on a date. I believe that hinders a man from being a man. If you're really serious about someone -- even if it takes him six months -- let him chase you, because you are the treasure. I believe it's a woman's job to support a man in being a man. That doesn't necessarily mean telling him to rake the leaves. There is no such thing as a shy man -- if a man really wants something, he goes out and gets it.
cuddle_me: But how would a man know if she was interested in him?
Myreah_Moore: By her actions. Women flirt.
Appinesseeker: Women do make moves. They may be subtle, but the man's job is to pay attention!
Myreah_Moore: You go, girl!

jnet2001: I found the one I want, but he doesn't know how I feel. Should I drop hints?
Myreah_Moore: Yes, I do believe you should drop hints. Then after a bit of time you could say, "You know, I'm tired of leaving signs for you. When are you going to ask me out?" That way you're not asking him out, you're offering him the opportunity to ask you out. Remember, ladies, dating is a numbers game. Men know this. The more you date, the better you get at it. Like any game, it takes practice.

Tialynelle: I'm a black woman who has chosen to date interracially. Do your methods help with that issue? I mean, men are men, right?
Myreah_Moore: Of course! Don't limit yourself. Be open to all types of people. This works with any type of man out there. As long as he has two legs and is breathing, it works! I commend you for being open to endless possibilities.

For more insight from Myreah, check out her Find a Man in 30 Days Love Lesson. Also, share your dating triumphs and trials on the Finding Mr. Right message board.
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