Want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? These are the sex questions I hear most, plus the no-nonsense answers you deserve.
Why do I climb the walls for sex when I'm single and then lack sexual desire when I'm in a relationship?
Because we're human and fickle, always wanting what we can't have. It's also because we gorge ourselves on sex in the early relationship stages and tend to follow it with a sexual starvation regime. In the beginning, after a period of abstinence and raw lust, anything feels good. So we enthusiastically shag away without too much thought to what we're doing. Then just as the novelty wears off, real life -- sulky friends and bosses who've been all but ignored -- kicks back in and sex takes a back seat.
What happens after that is crucial. Sex early in a relationship is fueled by passion, a brilliant smokescreen for bad sexual technique or a selfish attitude. Long-term sex, on the other hand, is fueled by skill, imagination and effort. Once the newness wears off, your libidos plummet and you have to work at turning yourselves and each other on, because desire is no longer automatic. Taking a head-in-the-sand approach virtually guarantees you'll both be bored senseless within a year. While it's not possible to have great sex all the time (even couples who rate their sex life as fantastic admit only two to three sessions out of every ten are shred-the-sheets stuff), it is possible to have satisfying sex most of the time. If you're not satisfied after truly putting in the effort, chances are you're picking men that don't suit you. While it's extremely sensible to choose a long-term partner for nonsexual reasons (he's faithful), staying with a guy you simply don't fancy isn't sensible. (You won't be faithful).
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