Desperate Housewives Recap: April 1

Is it just me or does it feel like ages since there's been a new episode of Desperate Housewives? Is this the network's idea of an April Fool's Day joke?! In any case, tonight ABC aired a clip show called, "The Juiciest Bites," a reference to the apple that is part of the opening montage of the show...the Adam and Eve apple that is with its allusion to original sin...

The show was organized by theme: " memoriam...the future..."

Watching, I felt my flimsy intellectual justification of watching the show (it's Hitchockian the way that every day normalcy is juxtaposed with murder) slip away. Who was I kidding? It was a soap opera through and through.

This realization didn't prevent me from enjoying the one-liners, the best of which was the sex scene between Orson and Bree after she gets turned on by his waxing poetic about how to remove intractable stains from wine glasses. As his caresses descend lower on her body, she nervously asks, "Uh..excuse me, did you lose something?....Oh , I don't do that. I'm a Republican!"

Nor did I mind the replay of fierce Lynette's kicking-in-the-door-triumph when she pays a visit to "Crazy's" house (the girl-woman who had a one-night stand years ago with Lynette's husband Tom...a one-night stand that resulted in the birth of a child). As Lynette literally KNOCKS THE DOOR IN, she greets "Crazy" with the words: "Ding Dong."

As for what we can expect in future episodes:

-Gaby undressing in the car with the “senator” (he’s getting typecast in this kind of role) who asks his driver to put up the partition

-The 4-star chef who (inexplicably) wants to “slum” at Tom and Lynette’s pizza joint (though it seems that he is far more interested in Lynette than in any standard food fare)

-Gaby making waffles for the “senator” which prompts his marriage proposal which then prompts her deadpanned reply, “they’re just toaster waffles!”

-Mike planting a big wet one on Susan’s lips, causing her to be stricken with romantic confusion

-Edie, making the rounds once again, ever the seducer, this time with Carlos. Carlos seems reluctant, worried about hurting their friendship.

-And most alarmingly, Lynette fussing over Tom as he lays on his back, saying to him, “I forbid you to die.”

Does Tom’s condition have something to do with the mysterious sous chef?! Here's to hoping for a better -- or at least more original -- episode next week!

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