Destined to Fail? Starting a Long-Distance Relationship
I recently ran into an old high school crush whom I haven't seen in three years. I still have feelings for him, and it turns out that he has feeling for me, too. In fact, he asked me out and made it quite clear that he wants to start a relationship with me. I think it would be wonderful if we got together. The problem is that I'm in college and live three hours away from him. Is this relationship possible, or is it doomed to fail? I have had a lot of heartbreak in my life, and I don't want to risk getting hurt again. What should I do? -- dstiltn
Question:Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear dstiltn:
Honey, I'm sorry that you've had a lot of heartbreak, but try to look at past disappointments as learning experiences. Each relationship you have happens for a reason -- immeasurably changing you, and usually making you a deeper person. Yes, it's painful when a relationship ends, but just imagine how much joy and growth you would be depriving yourself of if you held yourself back from loving. True, life holds no guarantees -- you and your high school crush may not ride off into a Hollywood sunset together. But then again, you may.
My advice to you is to take the leap and see how things go. Keep in mind that while three hours isn't around the corner, it isn't on the other side of the globe, either. Plenty of people manage to have successful long-distance relationships. As for protecting yourself against heartbreak, this strategy may help: Don't be so wedded to the outcome of the relationship that you forget to enjoy the feeling of being in it.
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