Did We Have Sex Too Soon?
I recently met a new guy, and we went out and had a really nice time. The night of our first date, I ended up going back to his place and having sex with him. I also saw him once during the week following our date, and we had sex again. I don't usually have sex with someone I just met, and I'm really looking for a more serious relationship. I have told this to the guy I just started seeing, and he reassures me that our relationship is not just about sex and that he really does like me. I really like him as well, and we've talked every day since we met. But I want to know: Should I expect nothing more than a sexual relationship because of how soon we slept together, or could it be more?
Question:
Of course it could be more. The reason people wait to sleep with someone is to avoid doing something they might later regret. And though I think it's safe to say that these people are in the minority, some men ‑- and women too ‑- are just out to have sex. These are the people who will move on quickly once their appetites are sated. And if you force such people to wait awhile to have sex, they're apt to get bored and move on (which also means the person looking for a relationship is less likely to get burned). Hopefully this guy, who says he really likes you, does really like you. That doesn't guarantee that the relationship will continue, but it increases the odds. Just keep in mind that there are always risks when starting a relationship and there are plenty of reasons why it might not work out, but they have nothing to do with having sex with him so soon. But who knows? This guy could turn out to be your Mr. Right. So while it may have been better for you to wait to have sex with him, the fact that you slept together on the first date certainly doesn't mean the relationship is doomed.
Let me also address the part of your question about purely sexual relationships. I am against such relationships. Part of the reason is that I am admittedly old-fashioned and a square. But there's another reason too: We all have only a finite time on this earth, and we don't know just how much time that will be. Time is our most precious commodity ‑- more valuable than gold or diamonds ‑- which is why we shouldn't waste it. If sex is the only reason you're with someone, then during that time period you're much less likely to meet someone with whom you could have a committed relationship (whether that be marriage or not). So while you may enjoy having sex with this person, you're actually wasting your own valuable time. Rather than invest that time in a relationship that you know has no future, my advice would be to stop seeing someone like that and continue looking. Keep in mind that I'm speaking generally about relationships that are based only on sex. I'm not saying that you should drop this man, because I've already said that your relationship could be more. At this point, we just don't know how things will turn out. Answer:
Let me also address the part of your question about purely sexual relationships. I am against such relationships. Part of the reason is that I am admittedly old-fashioned and a square. But there's another reason too: We all have only a finite time on this earth, and we don't know just how much time that will be. Time is our most precious commodity ‑- more valuable than gold or diamonds ‑- which is why we shouldn't waste it. If sex is the only reason you're with someone, then during that time period you're much less likely to meet someone with whom you could have a committed relationship (whether that be marriage or not). So while you may enjoy having sex with this person, you're actually wasting your own valuable time. Rather than invest that time in a relationship that you know has no future, my advice would be to stop seeing someone like that and continue looking. Keep in mind that I'm speaking generally about relationships that are based only on sex. I'm not saying that you should drop this man, because I've already said that your relationship could be more. At this point, we just don't know how things will turn out. Answer:
