Discover Your Sexual Spirit

Step 3: Discover the Power of Ritual

Let me give you an example. One of my clients -- I'll call her Sally -- used to masturbate while lying on a huge burgundy velvet settee in her study. She would light candles, burn incense, play soothing music, use massage oils and sometimes watch herself in a standing mirror. She set a "solo sex date" with herself two Tuesdays a month, at 10pm, a time when all the distractions of her day were gone and she could shut off from the outside world. She used this time to reconnect with herself, without anyone or anything else placing demands on her time or energy.

These sessions were Sally's way of connecting with her sexual spirit. She felt close to herself, and reported to me that these were the only moments that she felt whole and alive. For her, this was a spiritual experience of claiming herself, of feeling her own sexual power, and of honoring and loving her body, mind and spirit. By setting aside the time and place regularly, Sally began to grow in her sexual self-confidence. She began to realize that she did not need a man to complete her and stopped what she called her "desperate hunt" for a partner. She even became more successful in her career. By making masturbation a ritualized experience and thereby connecting with her sexual spirit, Sally became more aware and grew not only sexually but personally and professionally as well.

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