Divorce Survival: What happens when he moves on first?

For 12 years of marriage, my husband would never so much as take me out to dinner, except once a year on our anniversary. Now that we are separated, he has taken his girlfriend to Quebec, Jamaica, New York, Niagra Falls, Florida, New Jersey, New Hampshire and next week they are going to the Bahamas. I don't love him anymore, but this hurts! How do I get over the anger?

--from clemantine2


Debbie Ford

Debbie Ford is a consultant, coach, and the author of Spiritual ... Read more

Ouch. I can definitely feel the pain you must have felt when you discovered that your ex husband is doing things with his girlfriend that you always wanted him to do with you. You asked how can you get over the hurt, and I'm going to answer you straight: You must give yourself that which you always hoped he would give to you. You must treat yourself the way you've always wanted someone else to treat you. Close your eyes and imagine that someone you loved took you on vacation to those exotic places. How do you think you would feel? Loved? Special? Precious? Adored? Secure? Then ask yourself, "What could I give to myself today that would support me in feeling that way?" It doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation to match. You can take yourself to the park on a Saturday, or spend a relaxing spa night in your very own home by taking a bubble-bath, lighting candles, listening to soothing music and polishing your nails.

Whatever you choose to do, just be good to yourself. Healing from divorce, as in healing from all emotional wounds, comes back to self-love. When you are meeting your own needs, when you are cherishing yourself, you will no longer feel the pain of your needs not being met by your ex.

With love,

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