Who would have thought that Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein, the quiet little man who was engaged to Nicole Richie and dated Mandy Moore, was this extremely tortured soul?
In the new issue of Glamour, Adam opens up about his past demons -- including an addiction to food, drugs, alcohol, and a failed suicide attempt. Ten years ago, at 24 and addicted to crack, the deejay says he "felt like my life was over." "I went into my living room, reached into a cabinet above my TV and grabbed my gun, a loaded .22," he recalls. "I sat back on my heels, cocked it and put it into my mouth. I pulled the trigger. The gun didn't go off. I thought, 'Are you kidding me? I'm such an [expletive] failure I can't even kill myself? I dropped the gun and broke down. That was the turning point in my life." He entered a rehab program immediately after, but relapsed 90 days later. "I had to start all over again. But at that point I had no choice - it was recover or die." Adam worked hard at staying sober and getting fit, which improved his self esteem, but still knows he is vulnerable. "I no longer needed a trophy girlfriend or drugs to feel good about myself," he says. "It's been nine and a half years since I've had a drink or taken drugs. But every day I have to remind myself that no matter how much time I have behind me, I'm still a drug addict. At any given moment, I'm five seconds away from walking up to someone, grabbing their drink out of their hand and downing it," he admits. "And if I do that, within a week, tops, I'll be smoking crack." Oy! Who knew?
