Does age matter?

I have just begun dating an older man. He is 46 and I am 27. We get along great and have a lot of the same interests. My first question is, what do you think about our 19-year age span? My second question is about children. He stated in the beginning that he believes it would be a disservice to have children at his age. He was raised by a domineering single mother who gave birth to him when she was 37. I don't want children right away, but I have always believed that I would have at least one child. Please tell me whether you think we have a future. --Vernonym

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Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Vernonym:

Picture this and tell me whether it's a pretty picture or not: It is 2019. You have married your older man and you're now his present age. At 46, you're still young, still vibrant, but old enough to feel wistful to bitter about options in life (such as children) that have passed you by. And with a husband of 65, well, those pubescent guys in the underwear ads are invading your dreams big-time.

Right now, you are caught up in a big, dramatic moment in life -- a moment seemingly rife with once-in-a-lifetime profundity and passion. But over the next 19 years and beyond you will have many such moments -- many of which will later leave you clucking to yourself bemusedly, "What was I thinking?"

Don't let a momentary obsession impel you into doing something rash -- and ultimately not in your best interest. Never mind the age difference; this man doesn't want children and you do. What other dreams and goals of yours does your boyfriend share? Not share?

The common phrase "not every meaningful relationship has to last forever" seems apt in this case. Enjoy his company, but consider your "coupledom" a moment in time.

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