Does it matter that my new man is older than my dad?

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Sherry

I'm falling in love with a guy who is 29 years older than I am. He loves me very much and will give me anything at all. All my friends are worried, thinking he only wants sex, but he's not like most men. He's one of a kind. He's made mistakes and has learned from them, and now he's taught me so much about life. We're in love -- but my family would disown me if I go out with him. (My dad's younger than my boyfriend is.) I know in a way that it's wrong, but I can't control what I'm feeling for him. What should I do?

iVillager Rochelle

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ABOUT THE EXPERT

Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Rochelle

It's obvious why this guy will "give you anything." Your youth, vitality and non-wrinkled skin are just as stimulating to Mr. December as a Viagra pill. And his appeal to you is understandable: He seems worldly, wealthy, and undoubtedly has more clues about how to treat women in and out of bed than anyone else you've ever dated. After all, think of all the years he's had to perfect his relationship skills!

For now, it seems like a win-win situation for both of you. I say, enjoy yourself -- but don't take this relationship too seriously. I quote from my friend Jan, who married a man 32 years her senior. He just turned 79, and she complains to me that going to bed with him (supposedly, he's still got a voracious sexual appetite) "is getting creepy. His skin feels like an old man's." Well, ring, ding, ding. Although he is still the wonderful person she married, he IS an old man. Jan's getting her own sexual needs met through affairs with men who aren't yet on social security. Don't misunderstand: Jan still loves her husband. But he's 79 and his idea of a full evening is retiring at 8 PM. And every morning when Jan wakes up, the first thing she does is check to see that her husband still has a pulse.

So savor your affair as a sweet moment in time, an invaluable life experience. But keep in mind that some good things don't have to last forever.

Sherry

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