Does Size Matter?
My husband recently asked me if I thought his penis was big. He is only three inches -- on a great day. All the other men I've been with were much bigger. Should I tell him he seems small, or just lie and say he is the biggest and the best? Help! --newlywed
Question:Michael Ra Bouchard, MA, PhD
Dr. Bouchard is a board-certified clinical sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. He lives in Hawaii, where he founded the Aloha Sexual... Read more
Dear newlywed:
When it comes to penis size, one size definitely does not fit all. What may be the "perfect" penis to one woman may be too small or too big for another. In other words, size is totally relative, not only in preference but also in physical genital compatibility. Just as penises come in all sizes and girths, so do vaginas (each woman's vaginal barrel size and shape are unique to her.) A particular size or shape of penis may indeed be more pleasurable to a woman when it matches her particular vagina. Thus, a smaller-than-average penis with an average or thick circumference can still be very pleasing to many women.
Because of the wide proliferation of sexually explicit magazines, movies and videos, many highlighting extraordinarily large penises, many men and women today have distorted ideas about "normal" penis size, not to mention how size truly relates to sexual pleasure and satisfaction. The truth is, of all the factors involved in pleasurable lovemaking, penis size is far from the most important. Generally speaking, women tend to find that the circumference of the penis matters more for satisfaction than the length. But of much more importance to most women is their lover's heartfelt attentions and caring efforts to increase their pleasure and satisfaction. Still, most men mistakenly assume penis size matters most to their partner.
Having been with other men before your husband, you're certainly aware that your husband's endowment is indeed smaller than many. Since sharing such an observation with hubby, no matter how sensitively delivered, is likely to leave him feeling less than comforted, I suggest another tactic, one that doesn't require lying. Rather than directly answering your husband regarding your assessment of his comparable size, why not instead honestly tell him all the wonderful things you really love and adore about him as your lover? Nothing increases a man's sexual self-confidence than hearing that his partner finds him sexy and satisfying in bed!
When you come right down to it, what your new husband is really asking you is whether he satisfies you sexually. Your honest and heartfelt sharing with him now will go far in helping to increase his sexual self-confidence and your sexual success together. Be generous in both your praise and guidance as to what he does and can do to make you feel fantastic. It's your job to train him to please you, and the better you are at that, the happier you'll both be. For further guidance, see my four-week Love Lesson workshop, How to Retrain Your Lover (and Why You Should).
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