Fighterchick is in the same boat: “My mom still makes rude comments about every decision I make that is not exactly what she would have done. My response is usually something like ‘Since you don't have to get married at this wedding, you are not required to like it, Mother Dear.’"
Alstation knows fighterchick and kitty_bean’s plight all too well. She says, “My mom is driving me crazy! Everything I suggest she has a problem with. I want to make decisions without having to fight her every step of the way. If I tell her this, even nicely she says ‘Forget it, I won't help at all,' and gets hurt and angry. What do I do?”
McGregor says, “There is a recurring theme among these women. They are all stuck in and focused on what they don't want from their mothers instead of what do they want. Don’t dance around an issue and never handle it, it only creates drama. Bottom line: Don’t waste a lot of time getting mad, but rather use the emotion to move to direct communication. Remember -- you and your mother are in this together. Any time there is a power struggle, it's a two-way tango. Change your own dance step and Mom will have no choice but to try some new moves.”
Does Money Equal Control?
What about when your mother brings up the “B” word? That’s right, she might defend her case further and remind you that she is paying the BILLS. Most of us will have our parents pay for at least some of our wedding. Does that give them the right to dictate how we plan our wedding? Eegratto is living a wedding planning nightmare and says, ”My mother is being absolutely unpleasant to me about everything to do with my wedding. If she's paying for something, she is totally inflexible, and won't even listen to my opinion or input on the situation. In her words, ‘If you don't like it, you could pay for it yourself.’” At this point, she doesn’t even want to mention the word, “wedding” around her mother. How is she going to get through this?