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Ah, the joys of being a sexpert. Perhaps I'd overdone the lectures about cleanliness (British boys are mainly uncircumcised) and safe sex.
Plus he liked me, so he didn't want to “offend” me by using slang. And the boundaries are confusing, aren't they? That's why loads of us find difficult. The reason why, is when someone says, “Talk dirty to me,” we're never quite sure exactly what they mean. Do they want a carefully crafted, artfully worded fantasy scenario, D. H. Lawrence style? Or a crude, coarse diatribe designed to appeal to our wicked, “dirty” side? If we use the correct terms, will we be seen as prudish? If we use swear words, will we shock and offend? Where does the “acting” stop and start? Are we supposed to act “dirty,” or just talk the talk? And how on earth do you do it without sounding like a sad extra from a B-grade porn film? What, exactly, do you say?
And if that's what both sexes struggle with, it's particularly hard for women to suggest it for fear of being judged.
“The first time I talked dirty, the guy I was with lost his erection and told me I was a slut. Needless to say, I'm a little nervous suggesting it again, even though I love doing it and love it when guys do it to me.”
I get letters like this from women all the time and there's a common theme throughout: confusion.
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