Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Sex Therapist for Couples on iVillage

During the four years of our marriage, it seems that sex gets better every year. I can get an orgasm at will, but with one catch: I have to be on top. Many times, if he initiates sex, he'll be on top and get his, then we'll roll over so I can be on top to get mine. We keep thinking that with practice he'll be able to get me one while he's on top too. But with so little progress it makes me wonder if there's a secret or a technique a man can use to help his wife have an orgasm at the same time he's getting his. Sometimes we have them simultaneously when I'm on top, but I've never had one while he's been on top. My husband would like to get a book on sex, and I wouldn't mind at all except for the fact that if it contains a lot of nude photographs, especially of busty or long-legged women, it could turn into more of a Playboy-type thing. I don't think my husband would mind, but he knows how I feel about such things. (Which by the way is a whole other story about my jealousy problem because of a lack of self-esteem.) Do you have any book suggestions or any other suggestions?

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ABOUT THE EXPERT

Ruth Westheimer

The original sexpert, Dr. Ruth has given advice for more than 20 years. She's hosted television shows including Sexually Speaking with Dr.... Read more

Dr. Alex Comfort's book The New Joy of Sex shows different positions with graphic illustrations that are certainly not of the Playboy variety. But your "problem" is not one you have to worry about. You are very fortunate that you have a good sex life, so in my way of thinking it doesn't really matter that you have to be on top to have an orgasm. There are many women who find it easier to have an orgasm in that one position. So don't feel so compelled or be so tense about having to change it.

Your lack of self-esteem and why you don't want your husband looking at Playboy is, as you say, a different issue. Maybe my book Dr. Ruth's Guide to Erotic and Sensuous Pleasures might also help you to relax more and learn to have an orgasm in other positions. But basically you are fortunate since your sex life is getting better and better, and so the best advice would be to forget about which position you have to be in to have an orgasm.

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