Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Sex Therapist for Couples on iVillage

I suppose I'm a "typical female" because I truly need romance and affection in addition to (not just during) sex. Do you have any recommendations for me or my husband to help him bring these into our marriage?


Ruth Westheimer

The original sexpert, Dr. Ruth has given advice for more than 20 years. She's hosted television shows including Sexually Speaking with Dr.... Read more

One thing that doesn't work is to give him a lecture on the subject. The best way that I've found with my clients is to have them show their husband by example. You arrange to do some of the romantic things you would like. Have a candlelight dinner, share a bubble bath, watch a sexually explicit movie together that has a romantic story line, read passages to each other from some erotic literature like Lady Chatterley's Lover. Then, make sure that you and he engage in the best sexual episode ever.

The next day you let him know, sweetly, that when there's real romance in the air, there is also great sex. So don't lecture or put him down, but don't just sit there either. Take the initiative and show him by example that you can both benefit from having more romance in your life.

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