Photo Credit: Nino Munoz/Bravo
The Real Housewives of New Jersey may be set in the Garden State, but life there is no bed of roses. The promo for Season 5 (premiering June 2 at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo) says it all. Watch here:
In dramatically menacing slow-mo, to the langorous strains of Meiko's "Bad Things," Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita and Kathy Wakile plant a tree and watch it grow. Nearby, Teresa Giudice carves T + J in another tree, while the ever-judgmental Caroline Manzo shakes her head disapprovingly. "Good girls do bad things sometimes," croons Meiko, "but we get by with it." Then lightning strikes the tree, tearing it in half.
It's only fitting that the slickly produced clip is reminiscent of a promo for a scripted drama like ABC's Desperate Housewives. They may not have formal scripts like Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria did; but of all the Real Housewives franchises, Jersey's crew has proven to be the most willing of dramatic players. From table flipping brawls, to last season's elaborately staged attempt by Teresa to sully Melissa's reputation, they'll stop at nothing for a little drama.
So what does this cryptic promo foretell about the upcoming season? Sure, on the surface of it, the first three ladies are merely planting a tree. But dig a little deeper. Melissa looks like she and her friends are out in the dead of night, digging a metaphorical grave -- Teresa's, most likely. On the other hand, viewers know that Melissa's not as smart as she is pretty. If she's planning to exact revenge on Teresa for last season's plot to defame her, she could very well be digging her own grave.
Jaqueline is seen pounding a sapling into the ground. Is this foreshadowing of the drumming she allegedly gave a salon owner -- with her stiletto heel -- on March 30? John Karagiorgis has filed criminal complaints against her, her husband Christopher, and Melissa's husband, Joe Gorga, after violence broke out during a party (during filming for Season 5) for Kim D.'s latest store opening -- and Karagiorgis suffered a broken nose. All three filed counterclaims, alleging Karagiorgis "terrorized, harassed and assaulted" them. What really happened? Bravo's cameras got the goods!
Karagiorgis, by the way, is the owner of the salon where a pivotal, Season 4 scene took place. In the clip below, watch former strip club manager Angelo, who's telling Teresa and the gossip-mongering Kim D. about Melissa's stripper past. This exchange kicked off Strippergate, a he-said-she-said-she-said of explosive accusations and recriminations.
Another element in the promo that's worth noting: The violent-tempered Teresa is shown alone, with a large carving knife. She uses it to claim her solidarity with "J," probably her husband Joe. But where is Joe? Off with another woman? Meeting with his lawyers, who are feverishly trying to clear him of the fraud charges he faces (for attempting to illegally obtain a driver's license after a DWI left him without one)? Whatever the reason, she's once again left her alone with her erratic thoughts, with Caroline sneaking up behind her.
However you feel about the Jersey Housewives, you've got to admit: They'll stop at next-to-nothing to entertain their loyal fan base. Bring on Season 5!