Easter candy smackdown

Last night, my family and I welcomed Passover with an informal Seder at an extremely un-kosher seafood restaurant. (Some health issues in the fam prevented us from having our usual 20+ person extravaganza…will return next year.) My grandma did, however, mark the occasion by extracting a Ziplock baggie of matzoh and placing it on the table, along with a can of macaroons and some prunes. These are the kind of delicious treats Jewish people get to feast on in April – intestinally-binding crackers and bowel-distending coconut bombs. I mean, what does it tell you that we actually GIVE EACH OTHER PRUNES instead of, you know, Jelly Beans baskets or sugar-coated Peeps or, my favorite food group, Cadbury Crème Eggs?!

Oh, how I love the Cadbury Crème Egg. It’s so completely and wholly unnatural – a thick, hard milk chocolate shell filled with sweet, sugary, grainy goodness. Nowadays, there are all sorts of spinoffs – Butterfinger Eggs, Nestle Crunch Eggs, but none compare to the original. Quite simply, as the illustration above implies, it will solve all of life's problems, much like a good shrink.

What’s that you say? You’re partial to the chocolate bunny? Oh, that is so cute. And yet, so sad. You have no idea what you’re missing out on. And Lord help you if you choose Peeps over either of these dairy dreams. You can have straight sugar any day of the year, but a chocolate egg only shows itself once every 365 days.

Still arguing with me? Allow me to clarify:

CHOCOLATE BUNNY vs CADBURY CRÈME EGG

Filled with…

Chocolate Bunny: Nothing

Cadbury Crème Egg: Love

Winner: Egg

Calories

Chocolate Bunny :190 (13 g fat)

Cadbury Crème Egg: 170 (6g fat)

Winner: Egg

 

Web pages devoted to it:

Chocolate Bunny: 6,420,000

Cadbury Crème Egg: 276,000

Winner: Bunny

 

Relationship to the rabbit family:

Chocolate Bunny: Family matriarch

Cadbury Crème Egg: Magical, angelic, mythical product actually laid by a clucking rabbit

Winner: Egg

 

Ability to survive a fall from kitchen countertop:

Chocolate Bunny: Dismal

Cadbury Crème Egg: Solid

Winner: Egg

 

Hails from:

Chocolate Bunny: Germany, 1800

Cadbury Crème Egg: UK, 1971

Winner: Draw

As seen in:

Chocolate Bunny: Overpriced Williams Sonoma website, currently sold out

Cadbury Crème Egg: 2009 "Release the Goo" campaign, consisting of a Creme Egg stripping itself of its wrapper and then attempting and succeeding to break its own shell; usually with household appliances and equipment. All the meanwhile making various 'Goo' sounds, with a 'relieved' goo sound when finally able to break its shell; hence, releasing the goo. (per Wikipedia)

Winner: Egg

OVERALL EDGE: Cadbury Crème Egg!

PS How do you eat YOUR chocolate bunny?

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