Don’t know if you were able to catch my Today Show segment on “’Down there’ health myths…exposed!” with Hoda and Kathie Lee but here’s a link, just in case. If you did see it, then you know I cracked a joke about women shaving the NBC logo into their bikini line on national TV, thus ensuring me a ticket straight to hell and earning me about 1,800 text messages from friends congratulating me on such a dubious (and, admittedly, funny) achievement.
As you know, I talk a lot about airbrushing and the manipulation that takes place in photos. Well, as I sat down to get my hair and makeup did by the Today Show team, I stared at my naked face in the mirror, complete with a dime-sized, angry Cyclops zit in the middle of my forehead, framed by very thin, straggly hair. And I thought, ‘I need to take a before and after shot for NeverSayDiet readers so they can see just how different TV can make me look.” So I present you with…
Major freaking difference, huh? I look like I have perfect, poreless skin, lush blonde hair and lush defined eyes. Everything is not always as it seems, I tell you.
Later that day, I was meeting with various magazine editors to discuss work. As I sat in the waiting area of one wildly popular women’s mag, I whipped out my trusty bag o’ oatmeal (one cup oats, dried cherries, brown sugar, flax) and mixed it into a Grande-sized cup of boiling water. About three spoonfuls in, I heard a mild stampede sound emanating from down the hall and out of the elevator burst three European models on a go-see. Honest the God, they were absolute gazelles, each standing about 6’1”, all limbs, clad in black tights, super-short skirts and uber-tall heels, with long, flowing manes and Victoria’s Secret bedroom eyes. They announced themselves with names like Jlara, Charmande and Inge and sat down on the couch across from me. One of them had legs so long, they kind of folded onto themselves like a Praying Mantis. I was so entranced with their accents and eyelashes and 40-inch-shins that I managed to poke myself in the cheek with a spoonful of oatmeal meant to go into my mouth. I know I’m a body image blogger and all but I have to admit, working around that all day, every day would prove extremely challenging for me. The receptionist was, refreshingly, a man, and I got the sense he was totally jazzed to have the job.
After my meeting, I stopped in Starbucks for some tea. Imagine my surprise when I saw a sign on the ubiquitous banana tray that said “Bananas, 90-140 calories.” I had totally forgotten that all NY chain restaurants are now required to post calorie info on their menus. From that point on, I noticed it everywhere – even a little empanada stand had the calorie count listed for each of their pillowy dough boys.
It was, all at once, a bit disconcerting and wildly empowering. Part of me loved the fact that people can see, “Oh, wow, this blueberry scone has 720 calories. Maybe I shouldn’t mow one down every morning.” But it also made eating a little less fun. I stopped for ice cream Monday night and as I ordered, I glanced at the Nutritional Info sign. It made me switch from a medium to a small. And I am not a “size small ice cream” kind of girl. Also, I wonder exactly how accurate these numbers are. If some rinky dink café is telling me their bagel has 324 calories and 2.7 grams of fat, it makes me think, ‘How on earth does this Mom and Pop shop have the fancy scientific equipment necessary to analyze to such a specific degree?”
And yes, I made it to my beloved Just Salad not once, but twice in two days. All in all, a fabulous trip.
Lastly, I present you with the ultimate NY fridge/freezer (my friend Diane's) - nothing but vodka and broccoli. Good girl.