Egotistical Men

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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I'm with this guy who is so into himself. I found it amusing at first: the way he looks at himself in the mirror; his passion for buying designer clothes and accessories; how he loves to spend time applying nice-smelling lotions to his skin. Now his behavior has grown annoying. I don't think I spend half as much time on myself as he does on himself. Moreover, he doesn't bother to take me out to dinner or buy me flowers anymore (we've been together for over a year). I'm not demanding, but sometimes it would be nice to receive such things just to feel like I'm loved. I'm wondering if this is normal behavior for guys. I love my boyfriend, but I'm concerned. I don't know if I can put up with his egotistical ways forever. --iVillager lisaznev

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Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear lisaznev:

The good news is that you don't have another woman to contend with. The bad news is that that's all the good news. Being in love with a guy who is in love with himself first and foremost is not satisfying, as you are discovering. The saddest line of your letter was "I'm not demanding, but sometimes it would be nice to receive such things just to feel like I'm loved." Honey, a man who puts no effort into making his beloved feel beloved should be left alone with his mirror.

Since you've invested over a year in this relationship, don't bail without first having a diplomatic but honest talk with Mr. Narcissist about everything you've voiced in your letter. If he recognizes the validity of your feelings and makes a sincere effort to change, great. If he gives you lip service and continues paying homage to himself, you can exit knowing you gave the relationship your best shot.

Don't worry about hurting his feelings. In his case, one is not the loneliest number.

For more of the Dating Doyenne's great advice, check out her past columns. Plus, don't miss her new book, The Q&A Dating Book.

Want to know more about what goes on inside men's heads. Learn the scoop from Mr. Answer Man!

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