Over breakfast, Drama, Turtle and Vince tell E he can’t have unemotional sex because he loves falling in love. They can’t remember a time when E didn’t call a girl or send her flowers. As if this is a bad thing. Using Turtle as a pawn, the boys bet $5,000 that E can have sex with a woman before Turtle can, by the end of the day. I felt kind of bad for Turtle because he really gets the short end of the stick.
Vince takes E under this wing and off they go. The teams take different approaches. E and Vince head to the local trend-setting hotel pool club, while Drama and Turtle go to the classifieds online. Turtle finds a girl interested in a short, cuddly twenty-something. The woman makes him pick up a bunny suit at the cleaners and meet her at her house. They all think something kinky is going to happen, but I’m thinking the whole time, that something unfavorable is on its way.
Vince and E meet two beautiful British women, one a designer and one her saleswoman, named Heather, who E starts to like. The designer asks Vince to spread the word about the clothes she designs and takes him to her hotel room to show them off. I mean, take them off. They end up in bed together (duh, Vince can get anyone) and E struggles downstairs to not be nervous around Heather. E can clearly win this bet because Heather thinks he’s adorable, but wouldn’t you know it, Sloane walks by. Awkward hellos abound and E ends up calling off the bet. He calls Sloane, instead of Heather, and she explains in one line everything we’ve wanted to know so far – that they broke up because she didn’t want him to go to Italy for three months after being at the film shoot for six months…and…she’s met someone else. I find the whole thing to be very sad. They were a nice couple. The bet is then back on; E shows up at Heather’s hotel room, and they “order in.”
Turtle and Drama show up at the potentially kinky woman’s house. Drama is so pathetic because he wants to win the bet and win money at Turtle's expense. Turtle refuses to don the bunny costume or go into the woman's home, though, so Drama throws it on. The next thing you know, Turtle sees the two of them, through the window, having sex in bunny suits. I think he was more grossed-out about seeing Drama than he felt he had missed an opportunity.
While this bet is going on Ari and Mrs. Ari are desperate to get their son, Jonah, into the prep school Jonah’s friends are all getting into. As Ari and Mrs. Ari drop their daughter off at school, Ari explains that they’re on the way to visit a public school because Jonah got rejected from every prep school in town. To the headmaster Andrew Preston’s unsympathetic tone, Ari then mutters some ugly phrases as Mrs. Ari rolls up the window. At the public school, the kids are all running around and while Mrs. Ari finds this normal, Ari says it’s what he thinks inmates do when they’re about to overtake the guards. After a little boy kicks Ari in the leg, the two bolt and Ari vows to get his “special friend” to help him get the kid into the prep school of choice.
Now, I can’t figure out who the special friend really is, but for all intents and purposes, he is a private investigator, who Ari appears to have used in the past when trying to dig up dirt on people. The problem is that the PI can’t find anything bad about the headmaster at all. Mr. Preston happens to be a fine, upstanding guy, who coaches soccer, volunteers in a soup kitchen and still loves his wife. Ari has an epiphany that he feels dirty using the PI and that it doesn’t matter where Jonah goes to school but how great the home is that Jonah comes home to. Unfortunately, Jonah wants the school more than bedtime stories from daddy. Ari then rushes off to the headmaster’s house late at night. He explains to Mr. Preston that Ari has learned to be a better man from him and that he knows he can’t be bought but can he please be a compassionate Mr. Headmaster. Taken by the heartfelt comments (and tears) or just really excited to have an opportunity to ask Ari for a favor, the headmaster exchanges Jonah’s entry into the school for a talent agency job for his son. Done. Ari shouts how he loves this town.
Believe it or not, there are themes in this show and one of tonight’s was: “different ways you can use someone.” Drama used Turtle; E used Heather; the British designer used Vince; the weird bunny-costume lady (fyi, aka, Shanna Moakler) used Turtle…I mean, Drama…and finally, Ari used his special friend while all he had to do was allow the headmaster to use him. I’m just glad this episode was less work and more play.