Ex Etiquette: Is a Second Try Good for the Kids?

With this in mind, make sure you're not engaging in a personal pity party. Few want to be alone, and if you have yet to find a new relationship, you may just be lonely '- and when we're lonely it's natural to search out something familiar to comfort us. Plus, if your ex has found someone new, you may be feeling jealous, which will inevitably stir those old feelings once again. This is a very sensitive time. Be careful.

It's important to remember that if there were big enough problems to cause a divorce, time may heal the hurt, but it doesn't solve the problems. Even though the dust has settled, those problems are still there and promise to return with a vengeance if you don't openly confront what caused the breakup in the first place. Therefore, if you are serious about getting back together, I suggest some solemn soul-searching through counseling, both individually and together, to help you decide if reuniting is really what you both want to do.

Finally, I cannot stress enough how important it is to take it slow in front of the kids while you are deciding if there will be a future together. Although it may seem perfectly natural to hang around the house or even sleep over, be careful how you portray your relationship to your children. This will be tough. If you decide to go forward, you will both be happy and want to share it with your kids as soon as possible. But, it would be cruel to offer them false hope of reconciliation. Make sure you are positive of the direction you're going in, or the good you're trying to accomplish by getting back together may be overshadowed by the emotional distress you cause your children. Once you are certain that getting back together is the right thing to do '- and it should be obvious, not something you agonize over for months '- that's when you tell the kids that Mommy and Daddy are getting back together. Good luck. I'm rooting for you!

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