Explaining Jon Gosselin: A Guide to (Some) Recently Divorced Men

A psychologist on why some men regress when they get divorced

iVillage: Why do some men start dating immediately after a split?
Solomon: Men need a woman to love them. They want those needs taken care of—to be nurtured, to be loved, "to be adored" is what one man said to me. Human beings who feel adored by their partner tend to be very happy.

iVillage: So these men are looking for love?
Solomon: There is a lifelong need to have a primary attachment. From the day you're born to the day you die, you want somebody there. People will do anything to avoid that feeling of aloneness. To avoid it, men start carrying on, start trying to look younger.

iVillage: Why do divorced men often seem to rebound with younger women?
Solmon: I am thinking of all the famous people, actors in their 60s and 70s. They go for the real young ones. Why do they do it? Because they can get the real young ones. Usually in their minds the most attractive are young, fertile women. That is biological. Very often what they want is a woman who other men will look at and say, "Wow. He must be successful."

iVillage: Does it matter whether the men married young, before they "sowed their wild oats"?
Solomon: The younger people are when they get married, the less likely it is that the marriage will last. When you're older, and you pick somebody who fits you, the chances are you're more likely to pick somebody who is more like you. When you're younger, you don't think about that. You think about how you have a sexual desire. "This is a wonderful woman." "I'm madly in love." You're less likely to ask, "How will she be throughout life? How will she be at taking care of children and managing money?"

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