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When the fights start over the remote control, parents need to be armed with more than just the "off" button (although it's good to keep that one in your arsenal ready to go). Your kids will see commercials for shows that look great to them, but that will make your head swoon if you sit down to watch them, especially adult shows that are disguised as cartoons. So get as much information as you can about the shows your kids want to watch on TV, and then when things get sticky, pull out our substitution guide and settle them down with something more appropriate. And when you're all set, share your "safe" guide with us.

Preschooler Grade-Schooler Tween Teen Preschool Your kids want to watch Rugrats Nickelodeon, weekdays, 8am
The babies can be cute, but really they're just a bunch of tykes who misbehave constantly and don't seem to have much adult guidance. Instead, let them watch House of Mouse Toon Disney, weekdays, 8am
Not only will your kids dig this nightclub-type cabaret show with Mickey as emcee, you'll remember all your faves too.  
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy Cartoon Network, weekdays, 8:30am
A deranged cartoon about the exploits of the Grim Reaper as he befriends two kids. No way! Connie the Cow Noggin, weekdays, 8:30am
Why not a curious cow instead? Connie pokes her nose into everything ‑- everything but the occult, that is.  
Ed, Edd n Eddy Nickelodeon, weekdays, 3 and 3:30pm
A show about... well, what is this show about, anyway? Its feel-bad message isn't even good for older kids. Reading Rainbow and Postcards from Buster PBS, weekdays, 3 and 3:30pm
A powerhouse combo: LeVar Burton makes reading fun and Buster reports in from his rock tour.  
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Nickelodeon, weekdays, 4:30pm
Flying off into space with his cartoon dog, Jimmy has adventures that are just a little too mature for preschoolers. Maya & Miguel PBS, weekdays, 4:30pm
Right on preschoolers' level, this multicultural show stresses that thinking of others is more important than personal gain.  
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends Cartoon Network, Saturday, 7:30am
The premise isn't bad, if only they'd forego the loud, obnoxious characters. Buzz Lightyear of Star Command Toon Disney, Saturday, 7:30am
Hey, everybody needs a hero. Buzz Lightyear is a good one.  
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Nickelodeon, Saturday, 8:30am
Flying off into space with his cartoon dog, Jimmy has adventures that are just a little too mature for preschoolers. Timon & Pumbaa Toon Disney, Saturday, 8:30am
But your kids can learn something from this unusual pair: a fast-talking meerkat and a smelly warthog.  
The Wild Thornberrys Nickelodeon, Sunday, 7am
A girl making her way in the wild isn't so bad, but this one's really geared toward older kids Bob the Builder Noggin, Sunday, 7am
The strong women here quash any leftover notions about women doing "men's" work  
Totally Spies Cartoon Network, Sunday, 8am
Bare midriffs and raves ‑- definitely not for the preschool crowd. The Koala Brothers Disney, Sunday, 8am
What's in? Friends helping each other out and providing shoulders to lean on. Gradeschool Your kids want to watch Ed, Edd n Eddy Nickelodeon, weekdays, 3pm
A show about... well, what is this show about, anyway? Instead, let them watch Timon & Pumbaa Toon Disney, weekdays, 3pm
That's an easy answer for this Lion King spin-off: It's about doing the right thing.  
The Fairly Odd Parents Nickelodeon, weekdays, 4pm
Even if your kids can relate, you don't need them watching an inane cartoon featuring ballistic babysitters and off-the-wall parents. Full House Family Channel, weekdays, 4pm
But what can be wrong about emphasizing family and promoting sound parenting? That never goes out of style.  
Recess Disney, weekdays, 4:30pm
It sounds like fun, but this is really a show about kids who misbehave and break the rules. Leave It to Beaver TV Land, weekdays, 4:30pm
Still about kids who misbehave and break the rules, but here the parents hold them accountable.  
Totally Spies Cartoon Network, weekdays, 5pm
Rife with bare midriffs and raves. Being animated doesn't save it from being inappropriate. Cyberchase PBS, weekdays, 5pm
Rife with math, problem solving and practical lessons. Being about a computer doesn't make it boring.  
Rugrats Nickelodeon, weekdays, 6:30pm
Chuckie and his pals get into trouble for trouble's sake, and get out of it easily. Teen Titans Cartoon Network, weekdays, 6:30pm
These pals promote teamwork and getting along for all the right reasons.  
Tween Your kids want to watch Fear Factor NBC, Monday, 8pm
Eating bugs and scaring the heck out of the contestants may thrill your teens, but do you really want them getting any ideas? Instead, let them watch Seventh Heaven WB, Monday, 8pm
Plenty of ideas to get from this show ‑- tolerance, responsibility, respect, compassion ‑- and it's even a little racy these days.  
The Swan Fox, Monday, 9pm
Teens already have enough body-image issues without all the blather about plastic surgery. two kids. No way! Everwood
WB, Monday, 9pm
Preteen Delia had a makeover during the summer too ‑- she gave up baseball caps.  
Law & Order SVU
USA, Tuesday, 8pm
Rape, child prostitution, pedophilia... sometimes this show is too much for grown-ups. NCIS
CBS, Tuesday, 8pm
Navy and Marine Corp. crimes can be just as interesting, without being so sordid. What's wrong with a little "Yes, sir!"?  
The Bachelor
ABC, Wednesday, 9pm
Impressionable minds don't need this harem mentality. Mythbusters
Discovery, Wednesday, 9pm
When two ordinary guys blow stuff up, who needs roses?  
Extreme Makeover ABC, Thursday, 8pm
Try fostering a positive body image after letting your teen watch these contestants squirm through new awakenings. Joey and Will & Grace
NBC, Thursday, 8 and 8:30pm
They'll get all the fashion and love-life advice they need from these fictional characters, without feeling bad about it.  
Life as We Know It
ABC, Thursday, 9pm
Sex, sex and more sex. Do teens need all that sex? No. The Apprentice
NBC, Thursday, 9pm
Better to face the real world and maybe learn something about business along the way.  
Third Watch
NBC, Friday, 9pm
What used to be a show about heroic firemen is now a parade of sexual themes packaged around violence. Hope & Faith and Less Than Perfect
ABC, Friday, 9 and 9:30pm
An hour of female power, with two friendly shows that not only spotlight fun women, but strong ones too.  
South Park Comedy Central, Saturday, 9pm
Yeah, it's a cartoon, but it's most definitely not for kids... or even teens. The Andy Griffith Show
TV Land, Saturday, 9pm
Barney, Aunt Bee, Opie, Andy... need we say more?  
Cold Case
CBS, Saturday, 8pm
Just because these cases are not the most current events, that doesn't mean the content isn't disturbing. Amazing Race
CBS, Saturday, 8pm
The most truly race-oriented of all the reality race shows makes teens realize they can get past their fears ‑- without eating bugs.  
Charmed WB, Sunday, 8pm
Why associate with evil demons, scary images and mature themes? American Dreams
NBC, Sunday, 8pm
Leap back in time to the '60s, American Bandstand and the Vietnam War.  
Law & Order: Criminal Intent NBC, Sunday, 9pm
Too much gore, violence and adult themes for most teens. The Andy Griffith Show and Leave It to Beaver
TV Land, Sunday, 9 and 9:30pm
Two memory-lane shows where you can't go wrong.  
Teen Your kids want to watch The Swan
Fox, Monday, 9pm
Teens already have enough body-image issues without all the blather about plastic surgery. Instead, let them watch Everwood
WB, Monday, 9pm
Preteen Delia had a makeover during the summer too ‑- she gave up baseball caps.  
CSI: Miami CBS, Monday, 10pm
It's all just a little too gruesome for impressionable minds. American Chopper
Discovery, Monday, 10pm
Bike building, freedom and family ties ‑- not too shabby.  
The Real World
MTV, Tuesday, 9pm
Seven strangers living together in the same house. And they call this "real"? Veronica Mars
UPN, Tuesday, 9pm
This smartly cast drama with a tough female hero is a better version of reality.  
Law & Order SVU
NBC, Tuesday, 10pm
Rape, child prostitution, pedophilia... sometimes this show is too much for grown-ups. Judging Amy
CBS, Tuesday, 10pm
Amy and her mom, Maxine, deal with these difficult topics too, but not in a graphic, exploitative way.  
The Bachelor
ABC, Wednesday, 9pm
Impressionable minds don't need this harem mentality. Mythbusters
Discovery, Wednesday, 9pm
When two ordinary guys blow stuff up, who needs roses?  
Law & Order: SVU
USA, Wednesday, 8pm
Rape, child prostitution, pedophilia... probably not the best stuff for teens to be watching. Smallville
WB, Wednesday, 8pm
Can't go wrong with Superman. A caped crusader can erase school-day blues.  
The O.C. Fox, Thursday, 8pm
Money, sex, power, mind games and deceit. No, it's not an adult soap opera, but a coming-of-age drama about teenagers. Joey and Will & Grace
NBC, Thursday, 8 and 8:30pm
Okay, so it's still all about sex, but your kids may not pick up the subtext so fast.  
Life as We Know It ABC, Thursday, 9pm
Sex, sex and more sex. Do teens need all that sex? No. The Apprentice
NBC, Thursday, 9pm
Better to face the real world and maybe learn something about business along the way.  
Third Watch
NBC, Friday, 9pm
What used to be a show about heroic firemen is now a parade of sexual themes packaged around violence. Hope & Faith and Less Than Perfect
ABC, Friday, 9pm and 9:30
An hour of female power, with two friendly shows that not only spotlight fun women, but strong ones too.  
Pimp My Ride MTV, Friday, 10pm
It may be about auto repair, but should we really be telling kids to "pimp" anything? Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Family Channel, Friday, 10pm
Let them guess the outcome of this comedy show instead.  

Jane Louise Boursaw writes a syndicated column, Reel Life with Jane, about movies and television. For more info, visit her Website, www.reellifewithjane.com.