There are more than enough good men in the world. Those of you who think there aren't may simply be too shy or insecure to talk to unfamiliar men. But you have to do whatever it takes to start getting out and meeting people. Start by saying hello to one person a day. Once you feel comfortable with that, make it two. Then three, four and on and on. The next step is making small talk. I don't care if it's as boring as a comment about the weather. Practice starting a conversation. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll feel. I promise.
I remember the first Star Trek episode I ever watched. I was 12. Spock and Kirk were trying to get away from aliens, and Kirk was suddenly stopped by an invisible force field. Spock told him that it was because he was putting up a wall of anxiety, of resistance. You must lower your wall of resistance -- to men, to dating -- so that you can get through the wall. Tell yourself that men want to be with you, and mentally see your wall come down in your head. See yourself with your wall lowered, surrounded by available men.
You've got to come out of hiding and declare your availability. If you're too shy to take out a personal ad, have a friend or family member fix you up with someone they think is a good match. If you have a nice male friend, coworker or neighbor, chances are he has other nice male friends. Network! Tell your neighbors. Tell the postman. Get the word out. Fill your social calendar. You must see and, more important, be seen by as many men as possible. Head to the nearest cafe with an interesting book that might be a conversation-starter, wear your favorite, attention-getting leopard-print hat or figure-flattering red dress, force yourself to strike up a conversation with a nice-looking man sitting next to you on the bus (don't worry, you're not picking him up, you're just initiating conversation). Borrow a friend's dog and take a walk to the dog park.
On the next page: How to work a party!
| find a man in 30 days |
When you're out in the world, let men know you're available. You don't have to throw yourself at them to accomplish this. Subtle signs can work wonders. For example, take off those sunglasses and make eye contact when you're walking down the street. Go ahead and smile at handsome men. Flirt with a cute guy in the elevator. Believe me, men won't mind. Go to parties with your girlfriends, but don't hang out in packs. Just as with you, a man's biggest fear is of being rejected; he won't want to come over to talk to you or ask you out if there's a protective posse waiting to give him the once-over. Make a pact with your friends to work different parts of the room and meet at the door at a prearranged time. Being by yourself makes you so much more approachable. Your main goal: Get out there and get comfortable around men. You must do this in order to find a man.
As part of this love lesson we are asking a series of thought-provoking questions. Take a moment to think about this week's, then go the Finding Mr. Right message board and post your answer:
What will change in your life if you start a relationship? What feelings -- good or bad -- might you have to let go of?
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