Find a Man in 30 Days

Step 3: Change Your Attitude

You've got to get a new dating attitude to find a man. If you walk around thinking that you're too fat, too skinny or too old to attract a man, you probably won't. If you believe there are only married, weird or gay men out there, those are exactly the men you'll meet. Negative thoughts produce negative results. Once you accept that dating can and should be fun, the days of worrying and searching will be over. You must let go of any negative thoughts that are preventing you from finding your mate and believe that the person you are looking for can show up at any place at any time.

Now is the time to let go of any past demons. Women who are ashamed of their past, for whatever reason, often select men who are inappropriate, unavailable, or unwilling to commit. Others get stuck in a pit of self-pity by obsessing over past relationships gone wrong. Have a rebirthing day: Sit and write down everything you're ashamed of, your failures, people you have hurt and so on. Give yourself more than one day to do this. When you're done, have a ceremony and, in a safe place (your fireplace or outside), burn your list along with some fresh sage, which has cleansing properties. This ritual comes from my Cherokee Indian background. Once you burn your list, that life is over. You are starting clean. You must stop looking at your past and, instead, look at your life and your future with a positive attitude.

If your self-esteem could use some pumping up, take care of that now. I know this isn't always easy, but it's important for us women to feel good about ourselves exactly the way we are. We may want to improve ourselves, but we must believe that there is nothing wrong with the essential person we are inside and out. Loving yourself means accepting your imperfections and finding someone who will also love and accept them. It all has to do with the way you perceive yourself. If you really believe you're special, inside and out, you will attract a man who is special. I've met many average-looking women who have men around them all the time. They're desirable because of who they think they are and what they think they can offer. Men want women who are happy, healthy and full of energy, not someone who will drag them down with despair and clinging dependence. The new-millennium woman may want to have a man in her life, but she doesn't need a man to take care of her or make decisions for her.

As part of this Love Lesson, we ask you to answer a series of thought-provoking questions:

Why do you want to start a relationship? What scares you about starting a relationship?

Good luck!

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