Inner work is an essential part of finding a man. It will help you to identify clearly what your goals (needs) are and how you can meet them.
First, take out a pen and a pad of paper or sit down with a timer or stopwatch. Draw a line down the middle of the paper. On one side write "wants" and on the other side write "needs." Set your timer for 10 minutes (I don't want you to agonize over this exercise). Start with the "wants" list.
Until you become the kind of person you are looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want.
Write down the characteristics that you want in a mate. Do you want a man who's educated? A friend first? Has a good sense of humor? Is passionate? Doesn't smoke? Is outgoing? Is close to his family and friends? Shares your religious background? Has a certain physique? Be as specific as possible. Don't censor yourself. Let your heart take control of your mind. Don't worry if your list seems silly or trivial. If it matters to you, write it down.
Now, take five minutes to write on the "needs list" which of the characteristics on your "wants" list you absolutely require in your mate. These are the things you are not willing to compromise on. Narrow down your list to a top 10 (if you don't have at least 10 qualities on the original list, keep at it until you do).
On the next page: Start your love-quest with 2 easy steps.
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The reason you make this list is to help you determine the type of dating partner you are drawn to and to help you find someone who meets your definition of what is right for you. The list also helps you differentiate between those qualities you'd like to have in a man and those you can't live without. By deciding which qualities are important and which are not, you will discover what you are unwilling to accept and which less-than-perfect qualities you are willing to overlook. Think of these lists as your dating guidelines, and refer to them every time a new man comes into your life. You may even want to try to visualize the man you have created on paper. Is there someone in your life already who fits the profile? Remember that your heart's desire can come from anywhere, so don't limit your playing field.
Now it's time to look at your own profile. In other words, it's time to look at your own reflection -- not for wrinkles or blemishes but for those qualities on your "wants" and "needs" lists that you possess. If you don't have the qualities that you yourself list as being essential, how are you going to attract a man with those qualities? Work on attaining the characteristics you're missing. If you want a man with money, go out and make some money yourself. If you want a man who is educated but you dropped out of high school, go back to school and get your degree. The bottom line: Until you become the kind of person you are looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want.
As part of this Love Lesson, we are going to ask you a series of thought-provoking questions. Please feel free to copy and paste them and answer on the message board or in your own journal. The first assignment can be broken into two steps:
Step 1: Follow Myreah's instructions and write the perfect list of 10 qualities YOU need in a mate.
Step 2: Look at your list and answer these questions:
- Which quality on your list have you always known you are looking for?
- Which quality surprises you?
- Why do you have these reactions?
This assignment is intended to be a springboard for lively discussions and personal reflections. If you feel comfortable, post your list and responses on the Finding Mr. Right message board. Plus, read other posts to find out how your peers responded to the same questions.
Stay tuned for next week's lesson on how to change your dating attitude!
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