Social lubrication (read: having a cocktail) is a common way to gain the confidence to approach men. But once a great guy is in front of you, what should you do and say to keep his attention? Who better to ask but bartenders? Between pouring drinks, they watch men and women interact all night long… So they know what works — and what doesn't. Dushan Zaric and Jason Kosmas witnessed so many women try (and fail) to pick up men in bars that they wrote a book about it. In this excerpt from You Didn't Hear It from Us, Zaric and Kosmas set the record straight by revealing the top mistakes women make with men they've just met. Check yourself against this cheat sheet of flirting faux pas, and you're guaranteed better luck on your next night out!Watch Video: Sexy Signals
You Disconnect, on Purpose or Not
Obviously, if you don't want to talk to the guy anymore, or you're looking to get out of the bar in general, slowing down the conversation or pulling back a bit is natural. But sometimes we've watched women who swear to us they were really into the guy seem to suggest they'd rather be home knitting. A lot of times it's because they get scared they're being too forward, so they tone it down a little bit to make the guy want more. But the thing is, guys aren't subtle. They don't see that they're supposed to mix the outgoing person you were 10 minutes ago with the reserved person you've just become, and presto! They've seen the real you. Because while you think you're playing coy, you're actually just reading cold.
A friend of ours decided just the other night that he wasn't going to stick around to see if he could follow through with this one woman he'd been talking to all night because she continued to excuse herself, every 15 minutes or so, to go outside and have a cigarette when they were in the middle of a conversation. Understand, this dude doesn't have a problem with women who smoke — or at least it's not a deal breaker. But since he doesn't have a nicotine addiction, he didn't understand that she wasn't just trying to make an excuse to take breaks because he was boring her. If you're really interested in a guy, see if you can stick around for slightly longer intervals. Or ask him if he'd like to come join you, if you do in fact need to get up every 15 minutes for a break. Otherwise, don't be surprised if there's someone else on your bar stool when you return.