Major Question - Input Requested

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Major Question - Input Requested
5
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 1:07pm

Happy Friday ladies!

Accolade
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 8:56pm
o.k. here goes. All I can say is that you have a fetish. A fetish is a difficult thing in a relationship because both partners have to be o.k. with it. What that means for you is that you have to work through any guilt you may be harboring about doing it, and what it means for your partner is that she must simply accept it. That's the hard part. You may find a partner that THINKS she can deal with it, but 3 years later she's fed up to you-know-where with it. You must be honest with the partner before you sleep with her. Even though your fetish is not necessarily sexually related, your partner may have sexual feelings about it. Don't think that she won't - believe me, she might. It may affect the way she feels about you and perceives you sexually - good or bad. I would not come out with this on a first, second, third (you know what I mean) date. This is personal stuff and people have a whole lot of different attitudes about it. Now, the fetish part. Do you feel anxiety when you don't dress up? Does it balance you somehow? What would you do if you couldn't do it whenever you wanted to? Are you obsessed with it? Does it keep you from doing social things? How much time do you spend? Would you expect your partner to participate or simply accept it? What would disappoint you in your partner's attitude? These things you must consider.
My husband has a sexual fetish that I thought I could handle and it has torn us apart. It was presented to me as "an alternative sexual act." What I've learned about fetishes is that they aren't as simple as they seem. There's all kinds of stuff underneath. Alternative acts are not obsessive acts. This literally has my husband by the .... He's angry when he doesn't get it and he's guilty and sneaky about doing it. He surfs and reads and it all just bums me out. I go from anger to sadness to revulsion. It's been 8 years and I seriously don't know if I'll stay. I don't feel the same about him anymore. I could say that he's not normal or healthy, but that would be so cliche. The real problem is that we can't come to terms. That's your challenge, my friend, coming to terms. Gook luck and peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 8:59am

Hey there - rest assured I really do appreciate your input!

Accolade
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 8:15pm

Well, your question is unique! :) All I guess I can say is, I think you should tell any woman you date about your interest in wearing women's clothes as soon as you start to get serious. I think, in the end, if you're being honest about your sexuality, and if you and a woman have a real connection you could probably work through it. If my husband had similiar interests and had told me when we grew close...well I don't think it would really have changed our relationship. I think any couple dealing with it might need counselling, if only to reassure both parties that everything's ok.

Frankly, we all come with differences and a good, solid relationship with a man would be more important than what seems like a minor fetish.

Sorry I'm not much help...I just wanted to let you know that I think you could have a good relationship, if you're both open and honest.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:27pm

Hi Chris.

 

 

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:46am

Hi ladies!


Thanks so much for your feedback...I know this subject is probably not fully relevant to the basic topic of this board but thought I'd ask and I certainly appreciate all your advice.

Accolade