Go ahead and blame it on me :( c/p

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Go ahead and blame it on me :( c/p
4
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 6:39pm

Go ahead and use me up, go ahead and do me in, I'm at the end
of my rope I don't even want to try and cope, I can feel the devil
at my back, I can't get any slack. Maybe I'm just a lost soul; who's grown cold.
Maybe I'm on the wrong road. I told ya once before, go ahead and blame it on me,
whatever sets you free. Everything begins to look the same, go ahead and leave
me to my self, I'm to far gone to cry for help, go ahead and save your self.
Kareese
I couldn't figure out how to compose the structure
I just wrote it to get it out of my heart if you have any
suggestions please feel free to share
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2000
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 9:38am

Hi Kareese,

If you delete the first line, the poem reads like a rap, with lots of rhyme and great rhythm. The title phrase is at the end of line 5, so you still include it in the poem.Your other poem also sounds like it was meant to be read aloud. I'm not sure about how to format rap; if you practice reading it out loud perhps you'll get some ideas, or decide to write it as prose without breaking it into lines.

Thanks for posting both of your poems.

Roberta

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 4:42pm

Thank you Roberta for reading!

I did take your suggestion, i do like to ryhme and creat rythme when i write always have been that way :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 5:00pm

Go ahead and use me up, go ahead and do me in
I'm at the end of my rope, I don't even want to try to cope
I can feel the devil reaching, at my back reaching, at an invisible back
I may be a Maybe I'm just  lost soul who's grown cold
Thinking I can't get any slack, Maybe I'm on the wrong right road with visions of wrong
I told ya once, before, go ahead and blame it on me whatever sets you free
Everything begins to look It's all the same, if only you would notice that first phrase
Thinking i'm left to myself go ahead and leave me to my self, I may be to and to far gone to a cry for of help,
I saved myself,
go ahead and save your self

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 5:05pm

Sorry about that, I posted without my comment. Are you Christian?

I made some changes to your poem above, hope you like it. You're free to keep it. :)