Have some tightening I am working on this morning.
Stacey, I can feel this one because it's what I do.
Okay, the stabbing is bothering me.
Stacey, love the second stanza---Distance grows
Poetry contains almost all you need to know about life--Josephine Hart
I have been stumbling over that wording too.
Wow, women, are you listening? That last section is powerful. I read the other posts, and thought that perhaps changing focus to "focused" and onto to "on" might work. Steer me to the right side of the road if I am misunderstanding the thought.
How about changing
"all the while focus
onto blank eyes"