Posting for Aubra, who is having trouble with the new format:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-1999
Posting for Aubra, who is having trouble with the new format:
9
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 7:28am

and she is asking for cee/pee ... not married to the title, either.

It is what it is and not what it isn't

Exhaustion measured by the number
of breaths you take between actions,
enclosed in the clutter of a timid wimpy-kid narrative,
spun up in the momentum of hand-over-hand,
stove-spoon-sink-stir-Stop! –stove-sink-
Stop that! never time
to sigh; each moment defined
by dramatic tension
delivered by an un-ripened design.

Interruption isn’t wielding a knife;
it carries the scent of ground-dripped liquid,
and seasoned discourse; an excursion
to a toilet paper, tomato canned, ten items or less
reprieve.

Six seconds a minute. Seventy-two a day.

Dedication: dirty-magazine worthy ambition –
surrounded in the pages of self-serving desire,
seeking deliverance
in real-fake story time; questions are
questions and answered
in kind.


"It is with a strange malice / That I distort the world." -- from The Weeping Burgher by Wallace Stevens
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008

Aubra, thank you for posting this because I'm going to keep reading and re-reading it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-1999

Love it with a But.

"It is with a strange malice / That I distort the world." -- from The Weeping Burgher by Wallace Stevens
Avatar for ihaveturtledovelove
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003

I have a problem with that change because it changes the whole tone of the stanza. I want that interruption to first be thought of as the bad thing it usually would be (a murderer, carrying a knife to cause havoc). I didn't even think that the knife could be carrying anything LOL. I wonder if maybe it is just you? I'd love to hear others thoughts. Right now, Interruption is a noun, wielding is the verb and knife is the object ;). The it then would refer to the noun of the previous clause. (egads, I sound over educated, don't I).

Hrm. Something to think about, for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-1999

:smileyvery-happy: :smileyvery-happy: :smileyvery-happy:

"It is with a strange malice / That I distort the world." -- from The Weeping Burgher by Wallace Stevens
Avatar for ihaveturtledovelove
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003

I wish others would weigh in here. I know sometimes your 'darling' lines need to go, but I'm concerned that the rhythm of the poem will be lost somewhere in the dismissal.

I do have other questions I'd like to ask you - if you don't mind. Do you think that alliteration is hitting the right note? I was concerned that at some point it becomes 'showy' but when I was writing this, it felt right.

Also, do you think the final stanza is too abstract? I know that's 'me'; but, after years of having 'educated' people judge my poetry, I sometimes wonder if I'm doing it wrong. I haven't written much of anything since I started this journey; I am so used to following the 'rules' I'm worried I've lost the 'chaos' that was me. You know? I'm worried that this final stanza is not doing what it needs to do. Like it's a cop out. An afterthought of random. In short, does it seem complete?

I really have missed writing and the board. I must figure out a way to spend more time here; I also need to spend more time writing, in general.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2000

Aubra, I have to disagree with Pat.

Poetry contains almost all you need to know about life

--Josephine Hart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-1999

Well, as you can see, it probably IS just me.

"It is with a strange malice / That I distort the world." -- from The Weeping Burgher by Wallace Stevens
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2000

re: stanza 2

Embrace change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2000

Aubs, you know I love it.

Embrace change.