Thursday and Friday Tankas

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2000
Thursday and Friday Tankas
4
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 11:19am

How's your week been?

Thursday

 

The bright sun teases:

Snowbanks shrink, icicles melt,

we prepare for floods.

It’s hard to believe that soon

we’ll have another blizzard.

 

 

Friday

 

The snow screams, “Gotcha!”

Just as we were enjoying

strong sun, warmer days,

we’re invaded again by

The Winter that Will Not End.

Roberta

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2000
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 12:01pm

Hi Jackie,

Thanks for your comments, As a result, I've revised both tankas:

Revision #1:

Thursday

The bright sun teases:

Snowbanks shrink, icicles melt,

we check our sump pumps,

the city prepares sand bags.

Seed packets brighten store shelves…

 

Friday

 

Wild snow screams, “Gotcha!”

Just as we were beginning

to believe that Spring might come,

we’re invaded again by

The Winter that Will Not End.

 

Our snow shovels wait

patiently outside, ready

to be used again

as soon as we wrap ourselves

in parkas, gloves, and high boots.

Roberta

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 6:03pm

I envy you, sweating here in the tropics. 

Love these, except I'm not sure about the last two lines of "Thursday." Where is the self-evidence that the blizzard is coming? Maybe my problem with this is that you might be telling rather than showing? Why not let the "gotcha," "getcha?"

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-1999
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 4:39pm

Oh my goodness, I am actually on the board!  What a disaster it's been in getting here.  Ro, your tankas are fabulous as always ... kudos!  Now that I'm in, I'll post a roll cal to see if anyone's still interested in poetry.  {{{HUGZ}}}

"It is with a strange malice / That I distort the world." -- from The Weeping Burgher by Wallace Stevens
Avatar for cmerin
Administrator
Registered: 01-20-2004
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 1:21pm

Hi Roberta!

Both are very pretty! And the second one, isn't that the truth! I'm patiently waiting for some warmer weather. :)

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Erin
Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator
iVillage.com